How to Turn a Woman On and Get Her Off

When it comes to grabbing a lady’s attention, no one move suits all (source: am one).

We take into account looks, sense of humor, intelligence, likelihood you’re going to be a nutjob who goes through my phone after I fall asleep …

If there were a single answer, well, you wouldn’t be reading this.

What we can offer are 11 answers, as told by our panel of 11 real, live, sex-having women.

We asked each of them what a gent needs to do to turn her on. And more importantly, once the engine is running, what he needs to do to get her off.

Lily, 27, Marketing Coordinator
My Facebook says ‘Single’
“Confidence!!! And being really decisive and a little bit rough. It’s totally cliché, but the bit in Ali Wong’s Baby Cobra about the most strong-headed women like being abused the most in bed — that’s me. I like to think I have my sh** together mostly 24/7. I tend to be type-A-ish. So when I can trust my partner enough to relinquish control, I can be an actual freak.”

Mandy, 26, Sales Executive
Single AF
“What turns me on first, probably because it’s part of a first impression, is manly smells (obvs not B.O). I absolutely can’t ignore a musky men’s cologne or men’s deodorant. Taking control and showing me how you feel is big for me too. That includes being affectionate. Maybe put your hand on my hip or slight touches when possible. Nothing too obvious, something that’s just between us. When appropriate, an intimate massage gets me super riled up. Once I’m ready to go, I’m usually really into any position that has me on top. Double stimulation is very hard for me not to let myself go, but the icing on the cake is when you can’t resist but get a taste of me. Once that happens I’m completely set off!”

Frances, 32, Marketing Consultant
Married and stoked about it
“Competitive sex. I guess it’s a reaction to porn or something — like, ‘Sh**, I can do that better.’ So if I hear someone having sex or see someone having sex, it triggers my competitive side, and I feel like I have to go for gold.”

Otto, 35, Magazine Editor
Coupled up and in it to win it
“Turn ons: cool confidence, intelligence, humor, stellar dance moves, money, a nice smell, shaved heads. Exactly in that order. Get-me-offs: experience, dominance, openness, girth, power, money. Exactly in that order. And when I’m about to climax, I like to slap people across the face. Just one, clean, (largely unexpected) crack sends me over the top.”

Zosia, 33, Print Manager
Coupled up and annoying everyone on the train
“It’s so trite, but confidence and dominance. I have to go through the majority of my day with my alpha hat on. It’s so nice to be able to hang up the hat every once in awhile. Also: forearms.”

Eve, 29, Real Estate Broker
Got this boyfriend
“Taking control. I’m dominant, but if a man can respect that and turn the tables on me, you’ve got me. It’s a fine line between the right amount of aggression and disrespect though.”

Lucy, 32, Campaign Manager
Puttin’ it out there
“Confidence is a turn on for me. Regardless of looks, confidence never goes out of style. Unfortunately, the C-word in men often comes with its ugly array of turnoffs: megalomania, psychopathy, misogyny, sadism (not in the sexy way … in the mentally sadistic way of subduing a woman into mental and emotional submission) and, perhaps unsexiest of all, confidence without the goods to back that bravado up. Yuck. What I’m talking about is the Robert Redford kind of confidence: the bad-boy-with-a-heart-of-gold kind of confidence. The kind of man who will sidle up to you at a bar, and with one look, know without being told that your drink of choice is a gin and tonic with lemon not lime, know without being told how to unhook your vintage garter belt under the table in a public place and slide his fingers in just right so you don’t orgasm right away, but that you’re dying escape to the coat check to ravage him and perhaps get caught. And finally, who knows without being told that you like it rough and bondage-y, but also that you only like it rough in bed.”

Louisa, 29, Marketer
Single as f*ck
“Long story short I have a thing for manly men. I don’t mean brutish, macho types … there is something about a guy who knows how to be a gentleman but also put me in my place, sexually, that is a huge turn-on. And you can tell who that guy is from a mile away. I don’t know how but you can. It’s like how in the wild, certain animals assert their dominance via pheromones. It’s just this wild kinetic energy and I’m just putty. Have your way with me. That’s the nicest way I can say that I like a guy who I think might slap me around and boss me about in the sack. There’s so few of them these days. Well, few who actually know what they’re doing.”

Andrea, 30, Producer
Madly in love
“Movie sex scenes turn me on for sure. But only the steamy, well edited, hotly casted sex scenes. And girl on girl. The girl on girl stuff turns. me. ON. Wait…..am I lesbian? But once we’re in business the gateway trick to getting me off is to lick the back of my neck. That’s right. The back of my neck. When my man does that, it sends an electric shock through my body! YUM.”

Victoria, 26, Artist
Single and satisfied
“Spicy Margaritas, The Weeknd, tattoos, being kissed on the neck (or anywhere). Someone comfortable in their own skin, who challenges me, without being condescending. Someone that piques my intellect, who can nerd out about literature and film, but who can also take command in the bedroom and toss me around like a rag doll. And when all else fails? Doggie Style.”

Layla, 32, Graphic Designer
Living happily in sin
“Someone who takes charge really does it for me. Unzip my dress. Push me on the bed. I love to be manhandled. And someone who wants me to feel good, but isn’t just chasing an orgasm. Spontaneity and not taking things to seriously is a turn-on. Make ME the center of attention. And take time. I HATE feeling pressure to finish.”