Fantasy Fantasy Football
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Fantasy Fantasy Football

Can you draft the best team of fictional players?

  • 22 August 2014

When it comes to Fantasy Football, the editors of InsideHook are split.

Two-and-a-half of us¹ care about the drafting and owning of skill players more than we probably should.

The remainder contend that Fantasy Football is, as our New York editor put it, “Dungeons and Dragons for people who picked on kids who played Dungeons and Dragons.”

But we’d be remiss if we didn’t observe the solemn occasion of Fantasy’s return. Plus we enjoy a good donnybrook.

So to even the rhetorical playing field amongst ourselves, we devised Fantasy Fantasy Football.

Or, Drafting the Best Fantasy Team Comprised Entirely of Fictional Football Players.

How it works:

1) Study our player pool of Hollywood’s best egg-ballers.

2) Draft those players (or any others we missed) onto teams according to standard FF rules and procedures.

3) Argue over who drafted the best roster. Loudest voice wins.

Note: Players must be fictional. No drafting characters based on real-life gridders (e.g., Brian’s Song; Friday Night Lights).

This rule does not apply to Rudy², because Rudy can overcome anything.

Below, some pointers from your FFF pundits.

Be advised that, like real fantasy football pundits, we don’t have any idea what we’re talking about.

We see a three-horse race here between Crewe, Falco and Steamin' Willie Beamin. Everyone knows a healthy running QB is fantasy’s greatest weapon (see Vick, Michael, ‘10-’11), so we’re backing Beamin'.

The field is deep at RB. Megget’s got the speed. Washington’s got the power. Rutherford’s got the leather. But Ricky Baker (RIP) has a full-ride to USC, so he’s the pick.

Short answer: in Rod we trust. Long answer: don’t sleep on Johnny Rico, who routinely beats coverage via gainer.

We could find only one tight end of note. They say he would’ve been a first-round pick — had he not been born deaf. He’s on everyone’s team by default.

Hamilton may be stocked with bloodthirsty aliens at every position, but don't you “Remember when Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl?” No brainer.

When the question is “Do you want Kathy Ireland on your fantasy team?” there is only one answer.

Enjoy the draft.

And please: tweet us your displeasure.


¹ The half is a guy from marketing.

² You may be asking, “What about Remember the Titans?” No dice. Disney left the facts at the door.

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