Eight Real, Live, Sex-Having Women on Their Ideal Man, Then v. Now

That pickup line that worked at 25? Retire it.

By Shari Gab

Eight Real, Live, Sex-Having Women on Their Ideal Man, Then v. Now
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20 February 2018

No matter where your vote stands in these divisive times, there’s a general consensus that what was, is no more.

That we — i.e., men — could all be a little ... better. As boyfriends. As fathers. As humans.

But what does that mean, exactly?

To figure it out, we asked eight real, live, sex-having women what they looked for in a partner 10 years ago, today and what they’ll expect 10 years from now.

Spoiler: Complacency is not an option. 

Marion, 30, Artist
Single, and also don't talk to me

5-10 years ago: “I was 25 and in love with an emotionally distant tall glass of how-you-doin'. Ten years ago I was 20 and engaged in the precisely same dynamic, but with an older, scrawnier and more controlling man. What I was actually looking for the whole time was probably companionship and the exact right amount of attention from someone who understood me pretty well.”
Today: “If I were looking, it would be for someone 35 and older, career-driven but not obsessed, with more hobbies than vices, happy to see each other once or twice a month at least for whatever, not into shady sh*t, no PDA and with no unsolicited opinions about my body or any other women's bodies. No trash politics. Good personal hygiene. Not really into TV ... See? This is why I'm not dating.
10 years from now: “No musicians, no architects, no polys. No ‘I'm not a cat person’ people. No bad-at-sex people. No new friends.”

Frances, 32, Creative Consultant
Married and stoked on it

5-10 years ago: “Someone fun and smart that would make a good husband.”
Today: “Someone fun and smart that would make a good father.”
10 years from now: “Someone fun and smart to grow old with.”

Otto, 36, Magazine Editor
Soon-to-be married, already stoked on it

5-10 years ago: “Someone ambitious and curious.”
Today: “Someone who is complete within himself.”
10 years from now: “Someone who will remain solvent even when the world becomes irrational.”

Martie, 33, Producer
Some type of way

5-10 years ago:Hot dudes, older than me, with a top-ranked college degree, a cool job and liberal-leaning.”
Today: “Guys who look like they will age well. I try to imagine what he would look like picking up our kids (not that I actually plan on having them) from soccer practice. So he doesn’t have to be classically hot … yet. This mostly applies to my swiping rules on dating apps — cute enough that I can envision him packing the back of an SUV and having that vision turn me on. Also liberal-leaning isn’t enough now. He has to have voted for Hillary in the last election. No exceptions. Just ‘not Trump’ isn’t enough. Also, he must be 420-friendly. It’s something important for me to share with my partner sometimes and I won't bother with anyone who never ever partakes.”
10 years from now: “I have no idea. A stable job? But will I really care at that point as long as we have fun, great sex and he voted for Hillary in the 2016 election?”

Emma, 29, Interior Designer
Married on paper

5-10 years ago: “Someone who didn’t need anything from me.”
Today: “Someone honest and humble.”
10 years from now: “Someone who is asking questions that won’t be solved in his lifetime. And knows that life is too f*cking serious not to laugh at it.”

Nicole, 46, Dermatologist
Who knows?

5-10 years ago: “No Christians. No Republicans. No diseases.”
Today: “No Christians. No Republicans. No kids.”
10 years from now: “No Christians. No Republicans. No complacency.”

Tanya, 40, Architect
Dating … for now

5-10 years ago: “Someone who challenged me.”
Today: “My equal.”
10 years from now: “Someone who challenges himself.”

Lily, 28, Marketing Coordinator
Boyfriend-ed up

5-10 years ago: “Respectful, loving, open-minded, supportive and with a high emotional intelligence.”
Today: “Repeat.”
10 years from now: “And again.”

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