Earlier this week at The Cut, Mia Mercado asked perhaps one of the most important questions of our time, one we are all called to ask ourselves at one point or another: “What’s it going to take to get you to care about NFTs?” For Mercado, it was the word “cheugy,” which is being sold as an NFT. For me, apparently, it’s Cara Delevingne’s vagina, which is — you guessed it — also being sold as an NFT.
It’s not that I particularly care about Cara Delevingne or her vagina, but rather that, as a sex writer, anything vagina-related automatically falls under my jurisdiction. I’ve seen this coming for a while now. So far, I’ve been lucky in that the overlap between NFTs and sex has remained minimal, but I knew I was operating on borrowed time. Every day, I could feel myself getting closer to learning what an NFT was and further from god. I had a good run trying to dodge NFT discourse, but my time is finally up. My number has been called; vaginas are involved now.
If you’ve managed to make it this far without learning what an NFT is, I recommend you stop reading this article immediately, throw your phone in the ocean and return to whatever rock or underground bunker or state of blissful ignorance from which you’ve recently emerged. However, if you still don’t know what an NFT is but want to learn now because of Cara Delevingne’s vagina, please allow me to refer you to this handy interview, in which a crypto asset research analyst kindly explains NFTs as if you were a 12-year-old, because, trust me, that’s how you need to have it explained.
Okay, got it now? Honestly, you’re probably still confused, which is fine. From what I’ve gathered based on my own brief and begrudging attempts to comprehend NFTs, actually understanding what an NFT is matters much less than simply acknowledging such a thing as an NFT exists and can assume pretty much any form. In this case, Cara Delevingne’s vagina NFT seems to consist of a 30-second video in which the supermodel, posing nude in front of the ocean, waxes poetic about her vagina.
“My first word was ‘mine,’” the star says while staring into the camera. “To me that means something that is most mine – my vagina. I own it. It’s mine and no one else’s. I choose what I do with it. And no one can take that away from me.”
Bidding for the NFT will last seven days, with all proceeds going toward the Cara Delevingne Foundation, an organization that supports women’s rights, the LGBTQ+ community, mental health and environmental causes.
Well, that was a close one, but fortunately I’ve managed to make it to the end of this piece with relatively little understanding of NFTs beyond the fact that Cara Delevingne’s vagina can be one, and will probably make a lot of money. May you, too, avoid ever fully understanding NFTs, as god and nature intended.
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