News & Opinion | April 8, 2020 11:39 am

Winery Launches Dog Delivery Service

Turns out you don't need opposable thumbs to deliver booze

dog wine delivery
It's a dog.
Zelma Brezinska / EyeEm via Getty

Last month, a Portland strip club changed the quarantine food delivery game with the introduction of Boober Eats, a service in which scantily clad out-of-work strippers deliver food to your door, keeping the dancers employed and the club afloat. Since then, other businesses have been looking for similar ways to inject a little novelty into their delivery services, so if for some reason you want your pandemic-era delivery to be both less sexy and less effective, you could instead pay to have a dog hobble out to the curb and deliver you a maximum of two bottles of wine.

This groundbreaking new delivery technique launched last month at a winery in Hagerstown, Maryland, the Washington Post reported. Customers can place wine orders by phone, and a dog named Soda Pup will “handle the deliveries.” But wait, how can a dog handle anything? It doesn’t even have thumbs. Good question. It turns out Soda is conveniently equipped with saddle bags that allow him to deliver two bottles of wine to your car. (If you want more than two bottles of wine, you’ll have to enlist the services of an actual human.) According to the winery’s owners, the new delivery boy is “actually getting quite good….. as long as there are no bunnies or geese, or other critters to distract him.”

But while the system seems to be lacking in both efficacy and nudity, customers appear to be eating it up, with the winery reporting that the new novelty delivery service had attracted customers both old and new.

So if you want to have a dog bring a maximum of two bottles of wine to your car, provided he doesn’t get distracted by literally anything, that’s apparently a thing you can do now. Congrats to the dog delivery enthusiasts.

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