Internet | January 12, 2022 5:22 pm

Twitter Thread Describes What Kind of Guy Every NFL Quarterback Is With Alarming Accuracy

Tom Brady, for example, is the type of guy who runs a dodgy physical therapy clinic and throws lake-house sex parties

A screenshot of a Tweet that reads: Dak Prescott is in your Econ class and always comes in straight from practice and doesn’t bring a single thing but a milk jug repurposed into a water bottle. Always asks you for a pen and a sheet of loose leaf paper. Nicest guy you’ve ever met in your life" with a photo of Dak Prescott

Most of the time Twitter is a time suck that lends itself to fatuous discourse, nasty trolls and bad news. But every now and then, a post, meme or thread comes along to remind us that its best, Twitter is an unrivaled platform for verbal and visual comedy. So, if you’re looking for a little pick me up, consult this recent Twitter thread by user Sarah York (@thesarahyork) that’s been circulating the social media platform.

On Sunday, York shared a list of some NFL quarterbacks and the kind of guy “they seem like.” The thread is not only immensely enjoyable but also impressively accurate, describing players like Cowboys QB Dak Prescott as that super nice guy in your econ class who always asks to borrow a pen and only carries around a giant jug of water, and Tom Brady as the owner of a handful of physical therapy clinics currently who is currently the subject of a federal investigation over shady business practices. Oh, and he also hosts lake-house swinger sex parties.

A few more of our favorite comparisons:

While most of the tweets are comical, invented characterizations, York minced no words when pinpointing the type of dude Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger might be:

“Ben Roethlisberger seems like a guy who has been credibly accused of sexual assault on multiple occasions but got away with it due to his employers turning a blind eye and his PR team carefully engineering a born again Christian persona oh wait.”

Roethlisberger has been publicly accused of sexual assault twice — once in 2009 and again in 2010. Despite the disturbing accounts of sexual assault allegedly committed by Roethlisberger, the multi-million dollar quarterback’s career has gone on mostly unscathed (aside from a six-game suspension in 2010). The 18-year veteran is leading his team into the playoffs in what is probably his final season, and is still routinely fawned over by fans and broadcasters, who write off his dark past as the behavior of an “immature” boy who “made mistakes.”

But as infuriating as that is, you should still go read York’s clever thread in its entirety below.