A Toast!

Saluting this week's heroes from around the 'net

By The Editors
September 4, 2015 9:00 am

After Scotch consumption and heated debates over the greatest movie villains of all time, reading the internet is arguably the most popular pasttime at InsideHook HQ. Throughout said reading, your correspondents can often be heard exclaiming “Check out this hero.” Sometimes said hero is an actual humanity-benefiting do-gooder. Sometimes it’s just a girl who elected to take her senior portraits in Taco Bell. Either way, we decided to bring you the best from around the ‘net each week. Here they be.

For Heartwarming Story of the Week…

Who: Gissur Simonarson, the Internet

What: A photo Simonarson tweeted of a Syrian father selling pens on the streets of Beirut while holding his sleeping daughter went viral, resulting in over $180,000 in donations via an IndieGoGo campaign set up by Simonarson.

Why: Because it’s nice to be reminded that amid the sharing of pornography and cat memes, the ol’ infoweb can actually do some good here and there.

For Consistently Scaring the Shit Out of Us…

Who: Wes Craven

What: Finally succumbed to brain cancer on Sunday at the age of 76.

Why: Because he was arguably the most important figure in shaping the genre of horror as we know it today. Also, because the part in Last House on the Left where the gang leader forces the girl to wet herself is still the most depraved thing your correspondent has ever seen on film.

For Finally Coming Around…

Who: McDonald’s

What: Announced that beginning October 6th, they’ll be serving breakfast all day.

Why: Because YES DEAR GOD AT LONG LAST. Also, because the 10:30 cut-off time had been known to cause problems.

For Comeback Assistance…

Who: Swiss Archaeologists

What: Discovered a massive underwater city in the Aegean Sea off the coast of Athens.

Why: Because Greece, you know, kinda needed the win.

For Completely Unnecessarily Risking His Life…

Who: Robert Wright

What: The Fresno, CA native ran back into a burning building to save a rack of ribs he had been cooking when the blaze broke out.

Why: Because pride in one’s BBQ skills should never be underestimated.

For Hospitality

Who: The citizenry of Iceland

What: Created a massive Facebook campaign urging their government to accept more refugees from war-torn Syria, even offering their own homes.

Why: Because inviting refugees to come live in what looks like Narnia is a great start in making up for that whole volcanic ash cloud debacle.

And for Fewest Fucks Given…

Who: This crow

What: Seeing your feeble windshield wiper and raising you an ebony-feathered middle finger.

Why: Because he is a harbinger of doom and you are not.

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