PSA: Winning a Golden Globe Is Still a Complete and Utter Joke

The nominations came out today. Ignore them.

By Kirk Miller

 
Deadpool
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12 December 2016

Deadpool was an entertaining middle finger to superhero films that revitalized the career of Ryan Reynolds.

Kudos.

But it’s not a film that deserves a serious award. Even they know it.

But the Golden Globes thought differently. Now in it’s 74th year, the Globes announced their nominations today, essentially owning social media for a few precious hours ... for no good reason. Seriously, you can’t take these guys, uh, seriously. Here’s why:

There are 90 or so people you’ve never heard of making the choices. You don’t follow anyone in the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, a consortium of journalists who write for publications outside of the U.S. Yet they’re making the picks.

It’s got a sketchy history. The FCC was on their case for six years for not disclosing how the awards were given. And they essentially/allegedly bribed voters twice. Congrats, Golden Globes controversies, you earned your own Wiki section.

It’s an awards show that can’t make a distinction between honoring TV and film. So it nominates both (Why not all visual mediums? Why not something on YouTube? Twitch? YouPorn?). It divides those offerings into two random categories: dramas and a catch-all of “comedy or musical,” which is how the aforementioned La La Land ends up pitted against Deadpool, 20th Century Women, Florence Foster Jenkins and Sing Street (note: you get 1,000,000 geek points if you’ve seen, or even heard of, all five films).

They generate their own weird snubs and surprises. Stranger Things is not better than Mr. Robot. Or Westworld. But again, we don't care.

The Globes completely abandon their own rules. Remember that drama/comedy separation we just mentioned? When it comes to “Best Screenplay” and “Best Director," suddenly everyone’s playing in the same field. Stick to the made-up criteria you created.

They’re the first in an infinite series of film awards. Yes, the Globes are the third most-watched awards show on TV (and second for film or TV). But that's only because they’re on so early. They'll be followed by the PGA Awards (Jan. 28), Screen Actors Guild Awards (Jan. 29), DGA (Feb. 4), BAFTA (Feb. 12), Independent Spirit (Feb. 25) ... well, read the list here.

They supposedly influence the Oscars. 1) Who cares? 2) They don’t (essentially, Oscar ballots are due before the Globes are given).

Jimmy Fallon is hosting. Let's tee up a softball for you there, Jimmy. At least Ricky Gervais brought some edge.

That said, the show serves copious amounts of alcohol to those in attendance, so speeches tend to be a bit more off-the-cuff.

But seriously: take that Sunday night in January and go see one of those nominated indie films you’ve never heard of. You’ll be doing the movie, and the actors (dramatic or comedic) a big favor.

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