No matter how good the lighting is, a blurry picture of your ungirded loins will never be a love letter.
Some innocent digital foreplay, though? That’s here to stay. And with a little intel, you can excel at it.
To help, we asked eight real, live, sex-having women to weigh in on the matter.
Spoiler: don’t send an unsolicited you-know-what. Ever.
Emma, 29, Interior Design
Married on paper
“I sext, sure. But I’m not really into it. I say what he wants to hear. I’m not particularly sure what I want to hear. But I know what I’m after: control. I send the nudes, of course. When I get them, they’re good for a laugh. And no dick pics, please.”
Mona, 28, Content Strategist
Feeling out the scene
“I definitely enjoy sexting and find it to be a major turn-on. I like it when a guy talks about what turned him on most during our latest hookup and what he wants to do the next time around. It makes it more real and intimate for me, as opposed to just fantasizing. I'm not into sending or receiving nudes, though. There's nothing worse than receiving an unwarranted dick pic. I'd prefer to wait for the real thing.”
Frances, 32, Creative Consultant
Married and stoked about it
“My husband and I still do occasionally sext. Typically if someone is out of town, I'm into it. ... I like to hear how desirable I am and what you'd like to do to me. I find that guys like to hear the same thing, but more explicit (I take out any flowery language). My advice? Men almost always go too graphic with the photos. Women like romance! Show me your abs and impress me. I will definitely accept a dick pic, but please give me some context and avoid harsh lighting!”
Lily, 28, Marketing Coordinator
My Facebook status says ‘single’
“I sext mostly when I’m in an LDR (long-distance relationship), but I’m into it in general. I like to drop little hints at unexpected moments throughout the day — especially if we have plans to see each other later. Never sent a nude. I prefer ‘never nudes’ as they are more fun and leave more room to fill in the blanks and stoke imagination. Don't send me a dick pic. Use your words.”
Otto, 35, Magazine Editor
Keeping him big time
“All signs point to ‘Yes!’ when it comes to me and sexting. It’s foreplay and it’s fun. Let that anticipation build, lovers. Tell me what you want. Tell me when you want it. Get specific. Hot. I’m all for sending and receiving pics. Make it alluring. And don’t ask for a straight up raw pic. It is damn near impossible to get a good picture of the sugar dish. Dick pics are the jam ... if I’ve seen the unit before. Sexting should never be an unveiling.”
Zosia, 32, Print Manager
Coupled up and annoying everyone on the train
“I don't want them from a guy, pretty much ever. I, on the other hand, have mastered the ass-selfie and use it as a secret weapon.”
Brit, 33, Graphic Designer
Well lookie here, I have a boyfriend now
“I sext when the mood strikes. And to let them know I miss their wiener. Personally, I like to get sexts that let me know I’m a f*cking queen and hot as sh*t. All in all, it keeps the excitement going when I’m traveling and we’re apart. I send nudes, but never ever include my face. Safety first. I like to receive nudes if we’re both in the moment of self-pleasure. I think it’s very important to compliment your partner on any photos. Make sure all parties feel safe and appreciated.”
Victoria, 26, Artist
Single and satisfied
“I've been known to send a sexy pic or two, but I'm not a huge sexter. If we're in the same city, I'd much rather get together and have the sex than send the sext. It's all about that IRL experience.”