Satirical Outlet Mocks College Application Process

McSweeny’s has some thoughts on the common app essay.

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It’s that time of year: The stressful and overwhelming time when high school students across the nation are frantically filling out college applications.

McSweeny’s, the satirical media site, has come out swinging at the common application essay with a fake essay prompt and answer. The student responding to the prompt appears to be filling out an essay that will go to multiple schools, but uses the space to say he only wants to go to one school, Dartmouth, and he’ll burn every bridge to get there.

“Dartmouth: You are the school I really want to go to. I know I am taking a risk writing that here because this application will go to every school I apply to.”

The “student” goes on to insult other colleges who will all be reading this essay.

“Harvard is an institution where grade inflation long ago replaced real leadership. Middlebury can kiss my ass. The University of Michigan is worse than the garbage pile of a state it’s located in. These are all schools that I’m applying to. I would not care if they burned to the ground as long as I am attending Dartmouth when the ashes settle.”

The student ends it by saying Dartmouth should call or email or DM him at any time, but all those other schools, “don’t you dare contact me.”

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