Men Disclose Their Ideal Relationships With Sex Workers

One woman went looking for stories of the average male experiences with sex workers.

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Ten years after New Zealand decriminalized sex work, Dr. Pani Farvid, senior lecturer in Psychology at Auckland University of Technology, researched how sex work was portrayed in the media. She concluded that it was heavily overrepresented by stories about female sex workers, and that there was little to no discussion about the male customers, unless someone had been violent against a worker. So Farvid went out to find the stories of the average male experiences.

“Their invisibility really highlighted their position of privilege within society,” she said, according to Vice. “Even though they represent the demand aspect of this industry they’re very rarely talked about as part of the industry. It’s only the women who carry the stigma, or are problematized as ‘unworthy’ or ‘difficult’ citizens.”

Farvid said that the clients tended to be anxious, shy, socially awkward or too busy for a conventional relationship. They worked to try to not appear exploitative and tried to describe the sex they had as more than transactional.

“I’m a closet romantic really, but I haven’t had the ability to actually make that connection and so it’s sort of like, well, the next best thing. A session with a sex worker is the perfect boyfriend-girlfriend experience because everything goes the way that you want it to go,” one man said according to Vice. 

Another worker said that he connected with the sex worker in a way that really boosted his confidence, and the two still talk and hang out.

“When you come across someone that you actually click with and you know, they see you more than just a dick with money,” he said, according to Vice. 

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