Wanna Know How She Really Feels About Living With You?

11 real, live, sex-having women on the pains of cohabitation

By Shari Gab

Wanna Know How She Really Feels About Living With You?
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18 August 2017

Loving someone and living with someone are two completely different monsters.

And while there’s no rulebook for successful cohabitation, there are some obvious dos and don’ts you should commit to memory.

To wit: we asked 11 real, live, sex-having women about the little things that drive them bonkers — along with the ones that’ll win you brownie points every time.

Because nothing says commitment like arguing over where the dishes should go.

Caroline, 31, Event Coordinator
Love this crazy guy
Bonkers: “Undressing like a cyclone to the point that I have to duck so I don't get a pair of underwear to the head. Even if I'm 10 yards away. It happens.”
Brownie points: “Designing a closet for both of us and doing all the manly stuff of hanging sh*t up and building shelves etc. He takes a lot of pride in our home and it’s hot.”

Zosia, 32, Print Manager
Coupled up and annoying everyone on the train
Bonkers: “The usuals — the person who uses up the stuff has to replace the stuff. Them’s the rules. Please no bare paper towel rolls, TP, empty dish soap bottles or laundry detergent.  And if I fall into the toilet at 5 a.m. because the seat was up, we are breaking up.”
Brownie points: “Making the bed. Washing sheets. If that's too much to ask then at least take ownership of changing the duvet cover. That task is the devil in disguise.”

Eve, 29, Real Estate Broker
Got this dude
Bonkers: “I'm currently living with my lovely boyfriend, and it’s the first person I've lived with since I was 15. I love it ... And I hate it. I like to think I'm one of the most patient [people] when it comes to little things, but the hair after a beard trim that is on the sink countertop — I could kill him. His method of cleaning it is to splash water on the sink top and surrounding counter and into my sink and area and not wipe it down. So, the water sits there. Lurking. Mocking me until I clean it up.”
Brownie points: “On the other hand, he's amazing help when he is help. We have a full garden outside that he built an irrigation system for, helps me weed and clean and scrub the tiles and maintains the fire pit. Or when I'm out of paper towels he always goes out and gets the biggest roll he can find, And I know it’s ridiculous and silly, but I know he loves me because he never buys shitty towels like he once did as a single male. There's serious structure and cleaning power!”

Lucy, 32, Campaign Manager
Puttin’ it out there
Bonkers: “The one thing that makes me crazy about living with someone is when he smothers my alone time. I am a fiercely independent person, and when I need to be alone, I NEED to be alone. Growing up, my parents had their own bedrooms. These were sacred places where each person had full domain to decorate and recharge and escape. I think it is critical to have alone time and separate spaces as a couple, even if it is just times of the day. Living in NYC, separate rooms are likely impossible, but say between 8-9pm the bedroom is mine alone. Don't knock, don't text, I don't exist.”

Brownie points: “The thing that makes me happiest about living with someone is when I discover, to my surprise and delight, that he has done the chores that I truly hate, like paying the bills, fixing the cable, cooking, dealing with the super, etc. There are certain things that I dread and having someone take on those responsibilities is simply magical. I will always deal with the cat litter, the laundry, and the food shopping with a smile so long as you make sure Game of Thrones is recorded.”

Andrea, 30, Producer
Madly in love
Bonkers/Brownie points: “This is interesting because the thing that makes me crazy is the same thing that wins my man brownie points — his OCD. He is OBSESSED with things being neat and in their exact place. It's awesome because our home always looks impeccable, but it can also be a pain because I’m expected to live up to the same standard at all times. And sometimes I just want to throw my wet towel on the floor, man!”  

Lily, 28, Marketing Coordinator
My Facebook says “Single”
Bonkers: “Leaving the toilet seat up. So cliché, but just so annoying.”
Brownie points: “Dinner ready when I come home or being the first one to turn on the coffee. Just the little things that make a big difference in a moment of urgency around the house get the most brownie points. You can't put a price on facilitating a stress-free home environment and making everyday life a little easier.”

Louisa, 30, Marketing Coordinator
Single as f*ck
Bonkers: “It drives me crazy when he would throw huge fantastic dinner parties and then just leave everything on the table afterwards. Sometimes for longer than a week. It was like Miss Havisham and her damn wedding cake. Like, what is happening? Is it a memorial? A monument? WHY IS A SHRIMP TAIL FROM THE WINTER CIOPPINO STILL HERE? But having me clean up after him was too shameful of an idea for him, so he actually wouldn't let me, so it would literally fester.”
Brownie points: “He got brownie points for his welcome homes. There's something crazy amazing about letting yourself into the house and someone is just ready with a giant bear hug. That just felt like home to me.”

Julia, 31, RN
He’s just the best
Bonkers: “The sound of him chewing.  Seriously, it's so f*cking squishy and loud. Just annoying. He's messy. I like the bed made, underwear in a hamper, an organized junk drawer, Le Croix arranged in ROYGBIV.  I silently grumble every time I do it myself.”
Brownie points: “He cooks. Like, looks in an empty fridge, does some muppet sh*t in the kitchen and suddenly produces some Martha Stewart-type dish. Home cooking for the thighs. And the loins. He does laundry and knows how to not shrink a shirt. He's great at setting a vibe. Rasta music for a Sunday morning clean. Wine, dimmed lights and a documentary cued up after a long day at work. A new plant or piece of art just about every week. The man values his zen space.”

June, 37, Esthetician
No.
Bonkers: “The only thing that drove me ‘bonkers’ was that both the men I lived with were clean freaks. So I would clean the house and be all proud and then one would see something so weird, like I took the trash out, but then didn't tuck in the liner of our real simple trash can, or I put the dishes in the dishwasher, but then didn't take them out after the wash. I dunno … all this sh*t sounds lame now.”

Brownie points: “In the brownie department, all my CDs (back in the day) and LPs were organized alphabetically once when I came home. I had shoe racks built into a walk-in closet and organized by style (tennis, heels, boots), and then by color. The whole deal. Yeah, so I f*cked all that sh*t up and moved here and now have been single for nine years … cool.”

Otto, 35, Magazine Editor
He’s the still point of my spinning Earth
Bonkers: “Beer caps. Every man I have ever lived with will open a fresh beer and leave the cap on the counter. The garbage can is RIGHT THERE. Literally one foot away. I will never understand. Also, he throws wet towels on the pristine sofa and leaves them there. I will never understand.”
Brownie points: “It’s a given that he handles anything gross. From cat vomit to smelly trash, anything ew is his department. And he does the dishes. I secretly think this is because I am terrible at them though, and I’ve just been cut off for being a slacker. Joke’s on him — this was a premeditated scheme to never do a dish again. Mwahahahahaha!”

Nicole, 46, Dermatologist
Meh.
Bonkers: “My ex was supremely messy with the clothes. Clothes everywhere. The ones he was wearing that day hanging from the lampshade, the clothes from the cleaners slung over a chair and a suitcase from a trip three weeks ago still not unpacked. It was like living with a 15-year-old girl.”
Brownie points: “That being said, he was fantastically handy. Something needed fixing — he MacGyvered it. And he was a magician in the kitchen. He would look in the fridge at mustard, vodka and half a thing of olives and somehow transform it into a full-on feast.”

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