The 50 Worst People You’ll See Over the Holidays, Ranked
You’re probably in here. Your uncle definitely is.
Everyone always talks about holiday cheer.
But let’s be honest: we’re going to run into plenty of people between now and the New Year who are equally worth jeering.
So we made our own Naughty List this year: these are the 50 worst people you’ll see over the holidays, ranked.
Look, this can be a great time of year, but it also involves interacting a lot of facetime. With family. In bad weather. Whilst spending a lot of money. And drinking too much eggnog.
Which sometimes brings out the worst in people.
Look: We’re definitely on here. You probably are. Your least favorite uncle definitely is. So let’s take a few moments to review our follies.
50. People who wear Santa hats in the office
49. Anyone who says “You’ll shoot your eye out” while you’re cleaning your guns
48. People who cook the mulled wine until it’s grape juice
47. Anyone who claims there’s a war on Christmas (looking at you, Fox News)
46. Everyone at the Post Office
45. … And everyone at Best Buy
44. Cats who f*ck with Christmas trees … er, people who own cats who f*ck with Christmas trees
43. Anyone who says your Wu-Tang sweater doesn’t count as an ugly Christmas sweater. It most certainly does.
42. The two drunk people at your office party who obviously hooked up but pretend it never happened
41. Elf on a Shelf
40. People who wrap presents 10 minutes before we open them
39. Carolers who try to give you a pamphlet afterward
38. People who have multiple wrapped gifts under the tree for their pets
37. The aunt who actually made a fruitcake
36. People who get their spouses gifts that are quite obviously for themselves
35. Your rich Aunt who gets you a $20 gift card
34. The person who brings something way too nice to the white elephant party
33. That guy in your office who takes Thanksgiving until the second week of January off and says he’s “working from home”
32. Anyone who mixes a bottle of top-shelf whiskey. We didn’t spend $60 dollars on a pint so you could douse it in Coke, you heathen.
31. The relative who passes the phone around the whole house
30. The person who “gifts” you a donation to a charity in your name
29. People who don’t let you open just one present the night before. Just one!
28. The uncle who sneaks you a sip of bourbon here and there. Just kidding, he’s awesome.
28. People who gift discounted gift cards (says $50, you go to use it, turns out there’s only $37.15 on the balance)
27. The internet vigilantes who stoke the annual Starbucks seasonal cup Twitter controversy
26. Relatives who give you the same gift every year
25. People who put off any holiday shopping until Christmas Eve
24. People who include a Kafkaesque account of the entire family history in the annual greeting card
23. Anyone who adamantly and specifically wishes you “Merry Christmas” (we get it, you’re Christian)
22. Anyone who adamantly and specifically wishes you “Happy Holidays” (we get it, you’re not Christian)
21. People who comment on the calorie content of all the food at the spread
20. Fringe friends that catch you off guard with a gift … because you definitely didn’t get them one
19. People who keep the tree up until Jan. 2
18. That uncle who won’t let you and your girl/boyfriend sleep in the same bed because you’re not married yet
17. Kids who believe in Santa way too long
16. People who turn on the Christmas music on Nov. 26 and don’t stop until January
15. The aunt who gifts you stuff she obviously retrieved from a junk pile in the attic
14. The one cousin who has always had an attitude problem
13. Families/couples/siblings who wear matching holiday PJs
12. Sexy Mrs. Claus. This isn’t a Halloween frat party.
11. Anyone who serves eggnog without spirits in it
10. Any parent in a divorced family who ruins Santa without a mutual agreement with the other parent
9. That person from high school who thinks we’re friends because time has passed. We’re not. And we never will be, Ashley.
8. People who take issue with black Santas
7. People who get competitive and/or stingy during white elephants
6. People who get competitive and/or stingy during Monopoly
4. People who get in actual fights on Black Friday
3. Anyone at SantaCon
2. Kids who throw tantrums when they don’t get what they asked for
1. And yourself, in the mirror, on New Year’s Day
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