If you’ve ever made waffles, you know how annoying it is when they stick together.
But here’s the thing … sticking together is what good waffles do.
As Americans, we’re a lot like waffles: we’ve got our shortcomings, but we’re still at our best when we stick together.
During his election special last night, Stephen Colbert took a few minutes to remind us all of the value of common ground by enumerating a list of the things that all Americans, even now, can agree on. (He also did so without having to resort to syrupy mixed analogies because he’s, you know, funny.)
- When we agree on something, we all shout “Yes!”
- No matter how we feel about Hillary’s emails, we all can agree work emails suck.
- None of us think Kit Kats should be eaten like other candy bars. Segments only.
- Ordering a veggie pizza never makes any sense. Plain cheese is vegetarian enough.
- There are too many Portlands. They need to be numbered.
- People who make money with YouTube pranks should walk one-way into the ocean.
- No one will ever remember what the War of 1812 was about. Something with Canada?
- Judge people not by the color of their skin, but by if they “Reply All” to mass emails.
- Alex Trebek will never die and if he does, it won’t count unless it’s in question form.
- A low gas indicator on the dashboard isn’t a warning, it’s a challenge.
- Buying Cool Whip isn’t about the taste, it’s about the free tupperware.
- Paying extra for guacamole is always worth it.
- It’s nice to get a card in the mail once in awhile.
- The first person to get up for seconds at a wedding buffet is a goddamn hero.
- We should never, ever, under any circumstances, have another election like this one.
(The entire clip is worth a watch, but the list starts around the six-minute mark.)