Almost every day, I log onto the internet, and someone is yearning to be kissed.
Maybe it’s the Heated Rivalry of it all: While, yes, the show is known for its extremely steamy sex scenes, it also depicts a kiss as impassioned as its raunchier sequences. Or we can thank another hit TV series, The Summer I Turned Pretty, whose highly anticipated series finale featured a long-awaited reunion and subsequent hook-up between its two protagonists. The characters’ fervent makeout session in the back of a taxi was used online as an example of the powerful intimacy of kissing.
But it’s not just internet users pondering why men have stopped kissing shoulders and spines or vocalizing their need for a classic movie makeout sesh. Researchers are finding that both men and women want to get back to the basics of sex.
Arya, the membership-based relationship wellness platform that acts as an “Intimacy Concierge” for couples, published its annual State of Intimacy report at the end of last year. The site pulled data from its 300,000 users to find out what was trending in bedrooms across the country over the last year. The results found “a shift towards closeness,” compared to findings from a year prior. In 2024, couples reportedly wanted more adventurous sex, seeking sensory play and bondage. In 2025, however, couples wanted more of one thing: oral sex.
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The desire to go down
According to Arya’s report, couples are choosing forms of love that are “low pressure, mutual and connective.” Oral sex is also a form of intimacy that feels familiar but still has a touch of novelty. But another reason, interestingly, is the prioritization of female pleasure, which, subsequently, prompts the deprioritization of penetrative sex.
“Particularly for women in heterosexual relationships, there’s a disadvantage to prioritizing penetrative sex. It oftentimes correlates with lower orgasm frequency,” says Velotta. “So one aspect of this is certainly expanding one’s notion of what sex should be, and really concentrating on those things that will enhance female pleasure, particularly in terms of going down on her.”
However, it’s not just Arya’s female members asking for more oral sex, it’s their male partners too — and not in the way you’d think.
“Men are also particularly focused on female pleasure right now,” says Velotta, who explains that male members come to Arya because they want to ensure they’re satisfying their partner.
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The desire for more oral sex and this focus on female pleasure both fall into a broader trend Velotta says he’s noticing. Couples are looking to refine what we may consider run-of-the-mill intimate acts. In a way, we’re going back to the basics of sex, but we want to make those habitual acts sexier. Erotic kissing, date nights, and even pleasure mapping are all increasing in popularity, says Velotta.
“All of this is painting an image to me where, when people are having sex, they want to dive deeper into things that they already know,” he says. “Couples want to go back to the basics and feel connected in less adventurous ways, but they are also saying, ‘I don’t feel like I know enough about the thing I have done a million times. I want to be better at this. I keep finding myself doing it in the same ways.’ So maybe you’re really good at one technique, but you want to expand your repertoire.”
Dating again
We want to kiss more. We want to go down more. We want to please our partners in new ways that still feel intimate and connective. Achieving that is going to rely heavily on a collaborative, communication channel around sex, says Velotta.
You could say to your partner, “I had an idea about X, Y, Z, what do you think about it? How would you like that?” Or you can compliment your partner: “You looked hot between my legs in this position.” Oftentimes, those conversations end up being inherently erotic on their own.
“The number one advice is the communication channel, but not in the clinical sense of ‘let’s sit down and talk about sex,’” he adds. “Rather, let’s have a fun, flirty conversation and see where it goes. Bring it back to those moments where you were dating again.”
The idea of dating again is quite appropriate within the conversation of getting back to basics. If your sex life is feeling stagnant, the best way to reinvigorate it with intention is to go back to what you already know, which is dating each other again.
“What is dating except intentionally planning moments of mystery, eroticism, discovery and exploration with a partner,” says Velotta. “People say, I don’t want to schedule sex. And I’m like, well, it was pretty fun when you did it when you first met. Treat it outside of a calendar invite for sex and turn it into a date, and have a fun erotic night, whatever that looks like. I’m sure something is going to start building in the erotic realm for you.”
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