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For a long time, I was anti-umbrella. The streets of New York City are crowded enough as it is, and they become even more unruly when everyone’s wielding giant portable tents with eight surprisingly sharp pieces of plastic protruding from their perimeter. And this is to say nothing of the men (yes, always men) who carry those oversized golf umbrellas — behavior so unnecessary and inconsiderate I’d be lying if I said I’d never fantasized about bludgeoning them with a Titleist 5 iron.
Traditionally, I’ve opted to simply wear either a hat or a hood-equipped raincoat.
However, two problems have arisen with this approach. First, and I realize this is not very cool to say, I’m not the type of person who can wear a hat on my commute and then take it off when I get to the office. My hair is immediately fucked for the day the second it makes contact with any sort of headwear. And, second, none of the aforementioned hood-equipped raincoats that claim to be “both waterproof and breathable” are…ever both of those things, leaving you damp either from rain seepage or, during warmer weather, from sweat because you have effectively wrapped yourself in plastic.
So I recently, somewhat begrudgingly, decided to join the umbrella-wielding masses and set out on a mission to find a good one. The old-fashioned, full-length “stick” variety, while charming, felt a bit too fussy to me, and the super small ones, while in many ways convenient, seemed far too easy to lose or leave behind. How many umbrellas do we think Uber drivers must have in their possession?
In my research, I came across a brand called Weatherman, which offers a real goldilocks option in the form of their “Trek” umbrella. Folded up, it’s right around 20 inches in length — big enough that you notice its presence (and presumably its absence) but not so big that it’s annoying. When it’s open, its canopy measures 40 inches in diameter — perfectly reasonable for an adult man without venturing into dreaded golf umbrella territory. It features a 360-degree reflective trim for increased visibility, and an extremely satisfying and responsive push-button opening mechanism. It’s been tested in winds up to 55 miles per hour, and it feels unflinchingly durable in the hand. On top of all that, it comes in eight standard colors and a bunch of rotating, limited-edition designs.
At $74, it’s certainly not the cheapest umbrella out there, but consider this: Earlier this week, after two days of unseasonable warmth and sunshine, I badly misread my weather app and left the house with no jacket and without my umbrella. As the sky turned pitch black and began to open up, I ducked into a 7-11 and bought one for $7.99. It kept me dry on my walk to and from the train, sure, but I noted as I walked how much wobble there was in the shaft, how the canopy seemed on the verge of inverting in the wind. It was a wholly unpleasant experience that felt like more trouble than it was worth. I have no idea what I did with it when I got to my office, but I know I haven’t seen it since.
When I got home that night, I immediately put my Weatherman Trek in my work bag, where it will live from now on. Maybe I’ll get an extra to keep in the car, too.
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