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Dead Clan Walking

How to survive the (apparently imminent) zombie apocalypse


If the recent spate of cannibalism in the news has taught you anything, it’s that in order to escape the impending zombie apocalypse, you have to use your braaaiiiiins.

And automatic weapons. Those work, too. Teaching you to use both, for zomba-geddon or otherwise: the Zombie Survival Course, now taking summer reservations.

Run by a security industry vet, this day- and/or weekend-long camp is held at a 60-acre hunting farm in south Jersey, a long-maligned place where zombies are simply called The Situation.

The course teaches skills useful during impending doom, regardless of antagonist, including:

    • Firearms: NRA-licensed instructors guide you in shooting everything from Glocks, to pump-action shotguns, to M4 rifles.

    • Close combat: practice “zombitsu,” a self-defense system that employs ordinary objects (frying pans, shovels, etc.) to dispatch the enemy.

    • Advanced First Aid: learn DIY medical treatments, like stitches, which you’ll practice on a pig’s foot.

    • Transportation: because that abandoned car ain’t gonna hotwire itself.

    The course ends with a timed team challenge; you’ll be tested on the material covered and required to put down real-life “zombies” with a paintball gun.

    Regardless, you’ll be prepared whether the apocalypse comes in the form of a flesh-eating virus, or bath salts.

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