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A couple of weeks ago, I attended an event for #LubeLife, the top-rated lubricant brand known for its array of water- and silicone-based and flavored lubes, where we were all encouraged to share a “lube confession” on a piece of paper. My colleagues and I were a bit confused as to what constituted a lube confession, but one sexual experience of mine immediately sprang to mind. About six years ago, I was hooking up with an ex for the first time. There was a need for lubricant; he didn’t have any, so we used the next closest thing: Vaseline. I woke up the next day with the worst UTI of my life — so bad that I had to call out of work.
I can chalk that unfortunate sexcapade up to being dumb and 21. Now I know better than to use any substance other than a body-safe lube again, and luckily, because of this job, I have an arsenal of high-quality lubricants. However, I’ve learned over the years that the same cannot be said for any man I’ve had sex with at his place of residence. I’m not expecting anyone to have gallons of it like I weirdly do, but a bottle of lube should be a standard wellness item adult, sex-having men should own, no?
“In my time, I’ve had many lube-less hook-up experiences at men’s homes and hotels,” Treena Orchard, associate professor and author at Western University, tells me.
This phenomenon isn’t exactly surprising to her. “To put it bluntly, most men, especially first-time hook-ups, aren’t thinking too hard about the need for lube because it has to do with the women’s experience,” she says. “Most men are focused primarily on their pleasure and believe in the outdated, stigmatized idea that lube is only for dry or older women.”
Orchard says that, while “annoying,” she’s gotten into the practice of carrying her own lube with her if she has a planned hook-up.
A Sex Toy for Every Conceivable Sexual Situation, According to a Sexpert
All of your sexual wellness product questions, answeredThis social stigma surrounding lubricant could be a big reason why many men don’t feel the need to use lube, let alone have a bottle on standby.
“There’s this outdated idea that if a woman isn’t naturally wet, something must be wrong or the man isn’t doing his job,” Orla Maguire, certified somatic intimacy coach and founder of the brand Lubify, tells InsideHook. “In my experience, both personally and professionally, lube still seems to fall into this quiet corner of intimacy where shame, misinformation or outdated beliefs tend to linger. Many men were never taught that pleasure could be elevated with the right tools, and unfortunately, lube has been framed as something only necessary when there’s a ‘problem’ like dryness, discomfort or menopause.”
However, this couldn’t be further from the truth, adds Maguire.
“I think some men might feel that reaching for lube suggests a lack of virility or skill, when in fact, it signals confidence, care and a desire to create an even more pleasurable experience for both partners.”
The Benefits of Lube (and Why Spit Doesn’t Cut It)
Orchard says what often happens when she inquires about lube usage is that men respond by laughing, saying things like “just use spit.”
“Sure, that can work in a pinch, but it doesn’t last as long as lube, especially when condoms are involved,” she says.
Saliva simply doesn’t cut it when it comes to proper lubrication, adds Maguire. “It might seem convenient in the moment, but [spit] dries out quickly, offers very little glide and can actually cause more friction than relief, especially over time,” she explains. “Not to mention, it can disrupt the body’s natural pH and introduce bacteria, which can lead to irritation or infections.”
Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or having a spontaneous sexual encounter with a new partner, not only does lube make the act more comfortable by easing friction, it also increases sensitivity and pleasure for both men and women.
“Women’s bodies respond to so many things: hormones, stress and even the room temperature. Having lube on hand takes the pressure off the body and lets us focus on feeling, which is paramount to great sex,” explains Maguire. “For men, it can heighten sensation, prolong stamina and even reduce the chance of irritation, especially during longer sessions or when using condoms.”
Apart from the physical benefits, though, Maguire says there is something “emotionally generous” about a guy who keeps lube in his bedside drawer.
“It says, ‘I’ve thought about your pleasure. I’ve prepared for this moment.’ That’s sexy. That’s leadership. That’s what modern intimacy looks like.”
Which Lube Is Right For You?
Now that you know lubricant is a non-negotiable (and reaching for it makes you more desirable), which lube should you pick up?
Maguire always recommends going with a high-quality, body-safe lubricant.
“Naturally, Luxe Lube Neroli is my top pick,” she says. “It was the first product I created for Lubify because I wanted to offer something that felt truly elevated as well as luxurious in texture, beautiful in design and sensorial in every way.”
Like other silicone-based lubes, it lasts longer than water-based options and offers a smooth, silky glide, but you’ll find it has a soft, sensual scent. “It’s not overpowering, but it adds that unexpected layer of intimacy that lingers in the best way,” says Maguire.
I also love a silicone-based lube, and it wasn’t until I discovered this formula that I realized lube didn’t have to be sticky and unsexy. Just note that silicone-based lubes aren’t compatible with silicone-based sex toys, because they can erode the material over time.
My current go-to lubricants are the #Lubelife Silky Premium Silicone Lubricant and the Foria Intimacy Sex Oil with CBD, which includes just two clean ingredients: 400mg of broad-spectrum CBD and organic coconut oil, if you prefer an all-natural approach.
“It’s time we stopped thinking of lube as optional,” says Maguire. “Some men might feel that reaching for lube suggests a lack of virility or skill, when in fact, it signals confidence, care and a desire to create an even more pleasurable experience for both partners. And trust me, whoever you choose to share those moments with will remember that.”
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