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If you’ve ever thumbed through the “Vows” section of The New York Times on a lazy Sunday morning and wondered if your own wedding could end up in the paper of record one day, I have good news for you: it’s entirely possible. It’s also not for the faint of heart.
Competition for these highly coveted wedding announcements is not only stiff, but global, says Charanna Alexander, the Weddings editor at the Times. During the busy season, from April through September, upwards of 50 couples a day submit their love story in hopes of being chosen. Most are from the New York tri-state area, naturally, but Los Angeles, Chicago and Atlanta also over-index.
The first big hurdle to clear? Get your submission in on time. Given that the Times treats weddings the same way they treat news (more on that in a minute), each story demands a minimum lead time of six to eight weeks before the big day, so that the story is prepared to publish within two weeks of the nuptials. Alexander suggests you send in your story with time to spare; getting your announcement in earlier than that eight-week window won’t hurt your chances.
One factor working in your favor these days: you no longer need to be a Rockefeller to have your story told. While wedding announcements in the Times have a historical reputation predicated on pedigree and notoriety, Alexander has worked hard to expand the paper’s parameters since taking over the desk in 2021. “[Vows] is already a historical gem,” she says, “but what was missing from it was an alignment with what New York is: a melting pot.”
In practice, the new focus meant that a change in format was necessary. The traditional announcements have since transformed into what the Times dubs “Mini-Vows,” which, as Alexander notes, are now brief encapsulations focused more on “a couple’s journey to finding love” than the old-school accreditation-heavy announcement. (There are also longer, more infrequent “Vows,” should a story demand an expanded write-up.)
While the chances of being selected are still slim, and the betrothed no longer need to be blue-blooded, the new barrier to entry is a “cinematic” story — one with a transition, challenge, or, as Alexander calls it, a “change of fortune” — that the reader can connect to. “Kind of like Romeo and Juliet,” she says, “revisited with a happy ending.”
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As more Americans use chatbots to compose their vows and wedding toasts, one expert wants people to ask themselves a simple question: “Is the speech sacred to you?”These days, the journey is every bit as important as the destination. “People are not coming back for weddings, they’re coming back for the journey of two people and how they came to find love,” explains Alexander. “How do you keep people intrigued and interested in coming back to a story that ends the same every time? You give them a new world to dive into.”
Recent announcements range from real life resembling Heated Rivalry to a couple who tied the knot in the hospital room of the bride’s father to a Dance Moms star finding hometown love.
As different as these intimate and intensely personal stories sound, they all touch on universal subjects that act as entry points for readers of all backgrounds. “[We’re] looking for themes of redemption, overcoming obstacles later in life, things that you go through every day that will inspire you in some way, shape or form,” says Alexander.
Once selected, the announcement undergoes a rigorous fact-checking and review process by Times journalists. Even the pint-sized “Mini-Vows” demand multiple follow-up interviews for the most accurate and honest portrayal of the happy couple.
Oftentimes, it’s the nuances and discrepancies that can provide some of the most compelling details. “Honestly, love is messy,” says Alexander. “I don’t stray away from stories that showcase that humans are flawed, even on their journey to finding their person. I think that those are the ones that are actually the most compelling.”
Alexander’s ultimate advice? Get your submissions in early, and focus on what makes your love unique, even the eccentric or complicated stuff seemingly unfit for The New York Times.
“We’re not looking for tidy, we’re looking for real,” she says. “We look at so many things outside of the actual love story that goes into selecting it. Put your whole self in there and don’t be afraid if you don’t align to what you think the New York Times Wedding section is.”
One more thing? Don’t be offended if you’re not picked. After all, as Alexander so diplomatically puts it, “everybody’s love story is their favorite love story.”
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