A New ‘Smart Condom’ Is the Fitbit for Sex No One Asked For

“The future of your sex life starts here.”

And with that blurb, sex has officially been ruined by technology.

The company British Condoms is currently taking preorders for i.Con, aka “The World’s First Smart Condom.” (You know it’s tech savvy because of small “i.”)

“Have you ever wondered how many calories you’re burning during intercourse? How many thrusts? Speed of your thrusts?” asked no one, ever, but those non-burning questions are part of the company’s ad copy.

Actually more of a ring than a condom, the i.Con uses a “Nano-chip and sensors” to measure variables during sex. It then pairs with a smartphone app and tracks your data — anonymously, but with the option to share (please don’t).

A few things:

• It’s $70+
• It’s currently in a vague, pre-funding mode right now
• InsideHook wrote about something exactly like this three years as an April Fools’ gag … though you might not have known about that, as it was sort of [pauses for dramatic effect] an “inside joke.”

Thanks, we’ll show ourselves out.

[H/t The AV Club]