No One Wants Your $8 Wagyu Burger, McDonald’s

McDonald’s didn’t serve “Billions and Billions” selling Wagyu, or anything like it.

And yet, for some some strange reason, the Golden Arches have convinced themselves that’s exactly what they need to do to stay relevant in the era of farm-to-table dining: the top brass at Mickey D’s have announced that a new Wagyu burger will soon hit menus at their Australian branches.

Wagyu beef, for anyone in need of a refresher, is a catch-all term for a breed of cattle endemic to Japan that produce an especially fatty beef (though in this case, McDonald’s is sourcing the beef from Australian farmers). If that sounds pricey, it’s because it is. Australians will pay nearly $11 ($8.29 USD) for the burger, which even had its own secret taste-test release.

I have not taken a bite of this burger, but I feel comfortable disparaging its existence nonetheless. Cutesy culinary appropriation of something good by something bad might make money, but what does it ultimately accomplish? A 10-dollar burger might generate some internet chatter (guilty), but it won’t get you a Zagat rating.

You want a fast-food joint that understands its identity, and even embraces it? Burger King. They of the Rodeo King Burger and Chicken Fries, who wear their cheap-and-easy mantra without any semblance of shame.

Stay in your lane, McDonald’s. And leave the Japanese cattle alone.