Let's call spades spades.
We've all wondered at least a few times just what the heck goes on behind-the-scenes on a porn set.
Well, good(ish?) news: this weekend, the only complex in S.F. built to attend to the needs of the National Guard and adult-film studio kink-dot-com is throwing open their doors and inviting the city inside.
We've got that and all other means for entertaining you and yours for the next 72 hours in this here handy weekend planner.
1. It's an armory. It's an adult-film studio. It's both! Get your ticket now for the 90-minute tour of a Mission space that somehow manages to be several things to all types of people. Tour includes "the dark dungeons, the decadent Upper Floor, and everything in between."
2. If you do one good thing for your stomach this weekend, let it be a reservation for the upcoming anniversary dinner at the Michelin-starred Omakase (with sake pairing). One seating per night September 21 and 22; book now or weep later: 415-865-0633. Be forewarned: It's $$$ (specifically: $350).
3. The SF Aerial Arts Festival comes to Fort Mason — our pick of the slate is the Sunday afternoon show. This stuff is amazing — and if you have a kid, prepare to hear all about future plans in the acrobatics industry.
4. The Real Americans: if the title of Dan Hoyle's one-man theatrical showcase doesn't raise your political antenna, you haven't been paying attention. An update of his 2010 show, with material pegged to "the state of polarized politics in the era of Donald Trump."
5. The Shining on a big screen? Yes, please. (You want the 3:30 Saturday matinée.)
6. Get to the Legion of Honor before its Wild West: Plains to Pacific show closes. Our pick, from a range of brawny landscapes: Michael Schwab's iconic silkscreens for the Golden Gate NRA.
7. $10 for a Friday night Prince (cover) party? If that's not the deal of the week, nothing is. Dress appropriately (see below).