Valentine's Day is a week away and you're probably asking yourself — you should be asking yourself — must I really observe this cloying, over-chocolate'd occasion?
The answer is: quite possibly.
But not to worry.
Like a machete-wielding Jack T. Colton whacking his way through "Romancing the Stone", we're here to help find your path.
Firstly, we recently asked all of our readers a few questions about sex and dating. Thousands of you responded, and quickly. So in thanks, we've compiled the data to make handy charts, like so:
Secondly, we handcrafted our own farm-to-table decision tree, which we helpfully titled "Must I Observe Valentine's Day?" May it guide you well:
Good luck. We'll see you out there.
p.s. If you're still in need of Valentine's gifts, we've got you covered. And let us not speak about Valentine's Day again.