What Makes a Lady Tick Once She's Actually in the Boudoir?

We asked 9 real, live, sex-having women to weigh in

By Shari Gab

What Makes a Lady Tick Once She's Actually in the Boudoir?
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06 June 2017

It’s easy to lose your head when you’re doing the hibbity dibbity.

Totally natural; totally acceptable — so long as all parties involved are having as good of a time as you are. (Helps with the return rate, if you’re catching my drift.)

To help ensure that, we asked nine real, live, sex-having women what makes them feel foxy when they are, y’know, actually having sex.

Here’s what they told us.

Gabriella, 33, Outreach Coordinator
Dating a guy with the same name as the last
“Talk to me. Tell me I’m hot. Be specific. Tell me, 'That feels awesome.' Let me know you’re having a good-ass time and I’ve got all the right moves.”

Nicole, 45, Dermatologist
I can’t believe I’m on Tinder now
“Well none of us are getting any younger, so let’s get those lights low for starters. Like dancing, the dark builds confidence. Beyond that, just make sure you’re being an active participant. Look me in the eyes, please. Don’t close them and go somewhere else — or think of something else. Stare me down and lemme know I make your dick hard and you can’t get enough.”

Frances, 32, Creative Consultant
Quite fabulously married
“I do feel like lingerie helps. It makes me feel in charge of the situation. Been really trying to up my game and feel more sexy in my everyday sleepwear. My man does a really good job of always making me feel desirable and sexy, and we have good sex. If you don’t feel that way, maybe you’re having bad sex?”

Zosia, 32, Print Manager
Coupled up and annoying everyone on the train
“Eye contact is number one always. That feeling of connection. Also timing large meals to not immediately coincide with sex is helpful. As a part of a couple who enjoys food very, very much — this can often be a problem.”

Brit, 34, Graphic Designer
Someone’s got a fella now
“I feel sexy when my sex partner is really into it. Making sure that I blow his mind with a blowjob also helps.”

Victoria, 26, Artist
Single and satisfied
“I feel most sexy when I take charge of the situation: when I get to dictate the when and where, the positions and the vibe during sex and whether we’re taking it slowly or getting a little rough. I also feel pretty sexy in the moment right before my partner comes, when he gets that look on his face and I know that I gave him that pleasure and satisfaction. When it all boils down, I feel sexiest when I feel powerful.”

Otto, 35, Magazine Editor
Gonna keep him
“Pay attention. I’m all in for some roughhousing, but if you’re jackhammering away, chances are I’m drifting off and trying not to break in half. See also: getting bored. Personally, I don’t feel particularly hot with a peen shoved in my mouth. But I do feel toasty when I see my guy is enjoying the service. So if you see something, say something.”

Stella, 33, Personal Assistant
Pretty domesticated
“Having a dude's hands all over my body, grabbing, squeezing, biting, scratching, spanking helps. And when there is moaning, heavy breathing (even if it's just me), that’s a turn-on. Any verbal affirmation, having him say what he likes, how good it feels, how hot he thinks you are, etc. Catching glimpses in mirrors. Listening to sexy music. Sometimes if I'm having a hard time getting that sexy feeling going, I just close my eyes, stop thinking about what I look like, or what to do, or what the other person wants, and just focus on how it feels. I think, ‘Okay, I'm having sex,’ and I focus on the basic carnal act of it. I think of it like I'm watching a movie/porn (but now I can feel it too) and that allows me to get out of my head and more into the act.”

Mandy, 30, Sales Executive
Single AF
"Using sexy words like babe, hot, sexy, etc. help a lot. The more I hear it, the more I believe it. Also being very focused on touching me and looking at me. When I can tell I'm the most important thing in the room, I feel my best. I'll also never forget this one time a few years ago, when one of my exes was so attracted to me that one morning while I was sleeping, he took a photo of me from behind. It might sound a little creepy to some, but I trust him and he didn't keep it a secret. He was proud of what he saw ... and so was I!"

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