We Need to Talk About Your Bathroom

10 things every man must consider: a quiz

By The Editors

10 Things Every Man Must Consider About His Bathroom
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17 November 2015

Your correspondent’s mother was always big on judging places by their bathrooms.

Restaurants. Hotels. Friends’ homes. Especially friends’ homes.

It was her barometer for whether the people in charge actually gave a hoot. Spoiler alert: your bathroom is no different. There is, has been, or will at some point be a lady in there surveying the terrain and judging you, the proprietor, as a result.

Take our handy quiz to see how you score.

Trash Situation:

1. Nice-looking can with bag
2. Generic can, no bag
3. No can
4. Any errant trash on floor, regardless of can status

Air-freshening Situation:

1. Candle, matchbook collection that says “I’ve been places”
2. Aerosol
3. Old copy of Maxim to fan the air

Sink/Countertop Situation:

1. Spotless, with hand soap in a pump (or bar in dish)
2. Clean, soap in plastic container it came in
3. Sorta clean, toiletries strewn about
4. Sticky. Source unclear.

Shower Situation:

1. Appropriate range of high-end grooming products, ideally from the same company
2. Ragtag collection of different products
3. One bottle of Head & Shoulders

Rug Situation:

1. Clean rug replaced semi-regularly
2. Rug that could probably stand to be replaced
3. "Do I smell wet dog?"

Medicine Cabinet Situation:

1. Orderly and also boasting necessities for guests (spare toothbrush, contact solution, etc.)
2. Relatively orderly but no guest amenities
3. Full of expired prescription bottles

Lightbulb Situation:

1. All functioning, same type
2. All functioning, various types
3. A few bulbs out
4. Try the complimentary flashlight!

Hair Visibility Situation:

1. None anywhere
2. Couple strays
3. Thinking about opening a wig shop

Reading Situation:

1. Doctor’s office-esque selection of magazines, arranged neatly on a rack
2. Magazines in stack on toilet
3. Old copy of Maxim to fan the air
4. Do shampoo bottles count?

Toilet Situation:

1. Sparkling clean, brush and plunger at the ready
2. Water ring, but no other visible stains
3. Some questionable markings
4. Have you seen Trainspotting?

Add ‘em up: 2 points for every #1 answer, 1 for every #2, 0 for every #3, -1 for every #4.

20: Congrats. Your bathroom is hotel status.
15–19: You are on the cusp of commodial perfection
7–14: Not great, but there may be hope for you
-4–6: No second dates for you!

Note: The goal here is a perfect score. If you fell anywhere short of 20, adjust your habits accordingly.

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