Oh, come on.
That was our first response to Trak, a new at-home fertility test for men that promises "personalized advice," now available.
New from Sandstone Diagnostics — because “Sandstone” is what you want to hear when thinking about your reproductive organs — Trak allows men to monitor their sperm count over time via a simple test kit and through an app. The app also provides “personalized feedback, tips and tools,” which, hey, is pretty standard MO in your correspondent's bedroom.
Trak claims that we’re in the midst of a sperm crisis: men's swimmers have collectively declined by 32% over a 16-year period, according to research on their site. (It’s also a great fact to drop during your next attempt at seduction: “Honey, we have to do it. We’re in a sperm crisis!”)
After submitting your sample to the Trak device (which resembles a mini food processor), it lists your sperm count as “Low,” “Moderate” or “Optimal.” You can also take a quiz on Trak's site to get more info on how you could improve your fertility chances. They even have a sense of humor about it. Regarding my diet, the site says “We’re going for the obvious joke here: nuts are great for your nuts.” (See also: their blog, aptly named “Don’t Cook Your Balls.”)
It’s FDA approved and available over-the-counter. And good news: “It also comes with several disposable test kits for repeat testing.”
So, how is this different from YO, the smartphone sperm-checker we mentioned just two months ago? Trak claims superiority via a combo of precision, design, analytics and personalized feedback.
We say anything that helps you get you where you wanna go ... or, uh, come ... is worth the worth an investment.