Maybe you missed CES.
Maybe you were there but still missed about 90% of it anyway (it covers about 32 football fields worth of showroom, according to one estimate).
Either way, you and your newsfeed have likely been surrounded with tech hype for days: “autonomous” this and “drone” that and “smart” everything.
But forget the hype. We cut through the fat like a warm knife through butter to find the 26 things you need to remember from CES and alphabetized them for you in a handly little cheat sheet.
Whether you’ll be welcoming virtual reality into your life (or your porn) this year or not, the future looks bright.
BMW’s looker of a concept car featured intuitive, hi-res, 21-inch vehicle displays.
The Chevy Bolt was an e-car in a class by itself. Coming in 2017, it’s a Tesla for half the price.
Driving autonomously: soon to be a (real) thing. Nissan will launch 10 self-drivers in the next four years.
The best thing that happened to drones at CES? Had to be the Ehang 184, a personal flying machine with no pilot necessary.
Wearables leader Fitbit debuted the a solid smartwatch/fitness tracker hybrid called Blaze.
Tech make you feel old? The Genworth R70i Aging Experience is an exoskeleton that simulates the effects of aging. Aka “take more iron, man.”
“I don’t need a damn Bluetooth pregnancy test”: best/most appropriate headline of CES 2016.
If you were going to party with just one mulleted guy at CES, make it Jef Leppard.
Kodak relaunched the Super 8 camera, making ‘70s film auteurs very, very happy.
Actually useful tech: Lego-like surge protectors
Monster channeled the ‘80s with their boombox, the Blaster (Bluetooth-enabled for 2016).
Netflix announced they will now be available in 190 countries and 21 languages.
Playstation VR, on the other hand, utilizes its own, way cheaper PS4 as a base ... and may have 100 titles ready at launch.
Quantum Leap debuted a cylindrical 360-degree HD video camera for live-streaming (wait for it) VR.
This rollable display from LG is an 18-inch OLED that folds like paper.
Vaginal rejuvenation therapy for everyone! More specifically, women who want “stronger bladder control, enhanced vaginal sensations and improved sexual health.”
Wireless charging is for reals, up to about 10 feet.
Xcooter is a portable e-scooter that folds up in one second.
A drone that’ll never crash. That’s the promise of Yuneec’s new 4K-camera-ready Typhoon hexacopter.
Sigh. Zhor is the “world’s first [sic] smartshoe.” It can track steps and shock absorption, as well as adjust shoe temp.
Whether it can track the end of civilization remains to be seen.
A few other items we liked: Adorable cube cameras from Polaroid. Smart helmets for paintball. A cameo by Edward Snowden. A giant American robot called MegaBot. And a pair of earplugs that’ll help you drown out the hype.