Whatever curiosities you may have about sex parties can be summed up by exactly one statement:
If you can think of the question, chances are the answer is going to be, “Yes.”
Are people going to be doin’ it? Yes.
Are people goin’ to want to do it with me? Probably yes.
Will people be interested in my partner? Yes.
They do, however, come in many shapes and sizes and with a great deal of misinformation — mystery is a distinct part of their appeal.
To help decode things for you, we’ve laid out seven commonly raised queries on the affair and through extensive, er, field research, exposed ‘em for their validity or falsehood.
“Everyone is super attractive”: FICTION
On the contrary, mon frére. Truth be told, it’s rarely a room swimming with vixens lightly clad in Kiki de Montparnasse. But there’s pluses and minuses to that. For one, don’t be self-conscious. Go have fun. Be comfortable. The counterpart is that you may not feel the urge to get busy if you were expecting a swarm of Giseles. It is common, though, for paid models and hired, shall we say, “party-starters” to be strewn about the scene. These people will be super attractive.
“Everyone is on drugs”: FICTION
Much like the rest of the world, you’re going to find what you go looking for. In more urban scenes, drug use will probably be more prevalent. Do you have to take anything? No, you’re a grown-ass man. And there are definitely a wide variety of clean-and-dry party options out there.
“Everyone knows what they’re doing”: FICTION
No one ever really knows what they’re doing, and sex parties are no different. Many people will be there for the first time or still new to the scene. Asking questions — especially of the host — is always 100% encouraged and nothing to be ashamed of.
“It’s completely anonymous”: FICTION
Ha! The world, she’s a small one. Sure, parties will try with their “masks required” or “no use of names” guidelines. But brass tacks, you do the horizontal mambo with someone and run into them at Whole Foods the next day and they’ll probably remember. For the most part, though, anyone who partakes in the first place tends to respect discretion.
“There’s no judgment”: FICTION
It’s a sex party, not Shangri-la. Many attendees are there to learn about their own desires, which comes complete with lingering judgments of self and others. The boundaries are loosened, but not limitless.
“It’s like Eyes Wide Shut”: FICTION
No. Those were sex workers. It is very much a possibility that some attendees will not participate in any way in sexual acts. Which is 100% fine and a choice everyone has to make on their own. That being said, this isn’t a parcheesi night, so be prepared to be propositioned. If it’s an all-out, no-holds-barred event you’re after, you’re in the wrong place. You want an orgy. Different scene altogether. They’re more intimate and the intentions much clearer and consistent from the onset.
“There are rules”: FACT
There are always rules. Always. In many situations, women may attend solo, but men must come with a partner. In others, only women will be allowed to approach men. In all situations, sex parties are pro-positive sexuality and pro-informed consent. Know the rules. Abide by the rules. If the rules don’t work for you, this is not the place for you. For everyone’s comfort and safety, they are strictly enforced.