Seinfeld 9/11 Script

How would four shallow, acerbic New Yorkers act in the days following the attacks of 9/11?

Pretty much the same, it turns out.

Comedian Billy Domineau, a New York sketch comic and a former freelance writer for SNL’s Weekend Update, just uploaded a spec script for Seinfeld that takes place just days after September 11, 2001.

As Domineau wrote on Facebook, “I’ve written a Seinfeld spec script. It’s called The Twin Towers. Yep. It’s a 9/11 episode. This is what I do with my time now. Please join me on this journey deep into the subconscious of the multi-cam sitcom.”

He later told Sean McCarthy of The Comic’s Comic that he “was helping someone write a sketch a few months back and told them theirs needed to be an exercise in bad taste, ‘Like imagine if there was a 9/11 episode of Seinfeld… Wait a minute.”

Seinfeld went off the air in 1998, thankfully sparing us the following:

After a cold open with Jerry at the mic complaining about Heaven’s waiting rooms (“It’s gotta be like the DMV on a Friday”), the script cuts to George standing among the FDNY and NYPD a week after the attacks. “So, an INTERESTING week…horrible, horrible. And yet, it must be just a bit exciting.”
Later, at Monk’s, Elaine shrugs off her boyfriend’s death in the Twin Towers (“Brian? Meh. I was gonna break up with him anyway…saved me an awkward dinner.”), Kramer discusses “my crazy friend Mo Atta” and how he loaned him a box-cutter, and Jerry complains about the “dust” in this sandwich.
George gets confused for a Ground Zero recovery worker.
Kramer has an anthrax scare.

If anything, the script proves that our favorite terrible people would remain, well, unfazed by world events.

You can read the entire script here.