A Toast!

Saluting This Week's Heroes from Around the 'Net

By The Editors

The Old Guy Who Could Kick Your Ass
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25 September 2015

After Scotch consumption and heated debates over the greatest movie villains of all time, reading the internet is arguably the most popular pasttime at InsideHook HQ. Throughout said reading, your correspondents can often be heard exclaiming "Check out this hero." Sometimes said hero is an actual humanity-benefiting do-gooder. Sometimes it's just a girl who elected to take her senior portraits in Taco Bell. Either way, we decided to bring you the best from around the 'net each week. Here they be.

For Best "Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum" Impression …

Who: Don Pellman
What: Set not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE world records at the San Diego Senior Olympics on Sunday, all at the ripe old age of 100. Note: Pellman also came damn close on the pole vault. Yes, you read that correctly.
Why: Because when Pellman was born, the Ottoman Empire still existed.

For Dad Skills Turned Up to 11 …

Who: This Dad
What: Coached his daughter to land an absolutely massive bass with a tiny Barbie fishing pole.
Why: Because she's begging for help, but he lets her do it herself — life lessons, yo.

For Dad Skills Turned up to 12 …

Who: This Other Dad
What: Created the most awesome IKEA-hacked bed of all time for his son, complete with a slide and secret room.
Why: Because any YouTube comment thread that features the word "masturbatorium" is an automatic win.

For Combating a Windbag with a Windbag …

Who: Scottish Kid
What: Wielding the most Scottish weapon available in response to a hate-preacher espousing anti-Muslim and anti-LGBT sentiments in St. Andrews.
Why: Because we now want to end every argument via bagpipe.

For German Efficiency …

Who: Bayern Munich Striker Robert Lewandowski
What: Scored five goals in exactly nine minutes to give Bayern Munich a 5-1 win over Wolfsburg in the Bundesliga.
Why: Just wait till you see the fifth.

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