7 Things in Your Apartment A Reasonable Woman Will Judge

Have a lady over and certain things are inevitable.

Like: She will see the inside of your apartment. And she will judge you on it.

It’s reciprocal: stop by her place, and you’re going to have an opinion when you trip over dirty laundry or discover a thicket of hair plugging the shower drain.

Beyond an all-purpose tidy-up, these should be your top seven areas of concern.

Lack of hand soap in bathroom
This does not require explanation.

Mattress on floor
Bed frames are expensive. The Internet, though, is awash with hacks, tips, tricks and woodworking projects. Also, IKEA.

Toilet bowl situation
Beyond the obvious: mineral deposits and lime stains can be removed with pumice stones or sandpaper. And if there’s any hint of problematic flushing, fix it, unless you want your date to become a Twitter sensation.

Quality of food in refrigerator
Empty pizza boxes? Half-dozen half-empty jars of the same brand of mustard? The refrigerator is a window to your soul, as well as your eating philosophies, food ethics, sentiments on corporate versus artisanal and general maintenance abilities. Clean it out.

Caliber of book selection
Once upon a time, women visited men’s homes, and in the process discovered their CD racks, VHS cabinets and vinyl collections. Now, with our musical and cinematic preferences safely digitized, non-Kindleized books remain the leading way to judge cultural savviness and interest. Yes to Native Son; maybe less so to Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, but any book is better than no books.

Toilet paper not on toilet paper holder
For sure, there is something about endlessly replacing the toilet paper that is like fighting the passage of every hour of every day. But just do it. Details matter, in toilet and all things.

Condition of shower/bathtub
Spic ‘n’ span, please. Errant hairs, product buildup, sad sliver of soap: get rid of all of them.

Image via Twentieth Century Fox