Britain has left the building!
The Dow is in freefall!
The GOP is imploding like a week-old jack-o-lantern!
Question is, where do we go from here? Fear not, fearmongering brethren, the universe is full of shady refuges untarnished by the perils of democracy and capitalism — and we know where to find 'em.
Just read this, go to your bank with a large duffel bag, tell the bank to put all of the money you can withdraw in that duffel bag, and then get a move on. Here are your potential destinations.
Nauru is an 8.1-square-mile sovereign island republic in Micronesia (or WTFO in the middle of the Pacific, for the geographically challenged among you). A couple thousand years of birds sh*tting on its rocky interior once made it super phosphate rich, but it has since been plumbed clean. Now it's mostly a haven for shady offshore banking (that's good for a guy in your position) and refugees Australia can't even with.
The World: Residences at Sea
It's like that vault in Deep Impact meets Carnival Cruises: "Only 200 make the journey." The largest residential ship in the world features 165 rooms, six restaurants, a movie theater, a spa and probably at least a couple dozen people who you can't stand but will be stuck on a boat with for the rest of time.
This tiny island our travel editor once called "kind of like the Cuba of the South Atlantic" used to be reachable only by a British Royal Mail Ship, but they just opened an airport that services round-trip flights to Johannesburg. It's where Napoleon lived the final six years of his life in exile — can you say fit for a king (or at least a petty tyrant)?
Wherever that guy from Into the Wild went
OK, might not have worked out that well for him, admittedly, but one could argue that he laid down a nice blueprint for exactly how not do it. Where's your esprit de l'avventura?
What it lacks in jobs and breathable oxygen it more than makes up for in views and a healthy square-feet-per-capita. Elon Musk says humans will be setting up shop there by 2025. Where do we get in line?
Additional reporting by Dustin Newman