Internet | August 13, 2021 2:51 pm

No, Putting Apple Cider Vinegar on Your Penis Won’t Make It Bigger

A series of bizarre ads have some people considering the penis-plumping potential of apple cider vinegar. Spoiler alert: There isn't any.

bottle of apple cider vinegar on white background
Not a miracle penis enhancer, sorry.
tylim/Getty

There are a lot of things you could put on your dick. Condoms, of course, are always a good if often under-utilized option, as are any of the wide variety of non-toxic lubes, arousal gels and delay sprays available to penis-havers. One thing you shouldn’t put on your penis, however, is apple cider vinegar.

It’s likely dousing your penis in ACV has never occurred to you — in which case, great. If, however, the thought has crossed your mind, it’s likely you’ve stumbled across a certain bizarre ad reportedly making the rounds on porn sites. Per Vice, the ad shows “an illustration of a disembodied, veiny dick” being shoved into a bottle of apple cider vinegar, accompanied by text reading: “This Weird Trick Makes Any Penis Increase by 65%.” Another version of the ad reportedly shows a hand pouring a bottle of apple cider vinegar over the veiny dick, while yet another, stranger still, shows an ACV-soaked tampon being inserted into a butt, after which that giant veiny dick pops up and shoots a load.

Regardless of which increasingly inane version of this ad one happens to encounter, the message is presumably the same: apple cider vinegar will make your dick bigger. Not only is this categorically false, however, but distracted porn-watchers naive enough to actually click the ad won’t find themselves directed to an article about the penis-plumping benefits of apple cider vinegar or even to a retailer hawking bottles of the stuff, but rather a miracle dick pill dubbed “InstaHard” that claims to enlarge penis size, as well as address pretty much other concerns a penis-haver could possibly have, from erectile dysfunction to sexual stamina and testosterone levels.

I have not tried this product for myself, nor do I have a penis, but it seems pretty safe to say this pill does none of these things, and neither does apple cider vinegar. The product the ads are actually selling seems to have nothing to do with apple cider vinegar at all — rendering them even more bizarre — but fearing some penis-havers will simply take a visual cue from the ads and start bathing their dicks in ACV, multiple experts have come forward to caution against giving your penis an apple cider vinegar bath.

“Not only will it sting like hell — especially if you shove it up your bum — it could actually burn where you have applied it. Damage to your skin can lead to infection, and nobody wants an infection down there,” sex expert Ruby Payne told Huffpost. Moreover, she added, “There is absolutely no evidence (and I really mean NO evidence) that apple cider vinegar will do anything to help your penis grow bigger.”

More importantly, as we’ve established on multiple occasions, there’s no proven or reliable way to increase penis size, nor should anyone feel compelled to seek one out. Your dick is fine (and probably bigger than you think). Putting apple cider vinegar on it, however, will probably not be fine.