Food & Drink | June 24, 2019 10:51 am

Here’s Why Your Bartender Is Judging You

These are the drink orders to avoid lest ye be judged

Yep, they're judging you.
Yep, they're judging you.
Jia Jia Shum/Unsplash

If you’ve ever worried that your bartender was judging you, you were probably right. Bartenders are usually highly-trained individuals who have a wealth of knowledge about a substance that makes you appear more foolish by the sip, and they have to watch you idly glug it down all night. So yes, they’re judging you.

While you may expect a little well-deserved judgment for your pick-up lines or karaoke renditions three or four drinks in, it turns out the judgment actually begins before you even take your first sip. Most bartenders probably know a lot more than you do about your drink of choice, and, according to Business Insider, there’s a good chance they’re judging you for ordering it.

From obscure garnishes to wine on the rocks, bartender Emma Whitman revealed all the drink orders (and drink ordering practices) that are raising you bartenders’ eyebrows. While you may never dream of committing these more obvious faux pas, it never hurts to check in with an expert to see whether your alcohol etiquette is really up to snuff.

Rule number one: When it comes to mixed drinks, just stick with the bottom shelf. You won’t notice, but your bartender definitely will. According to Whitman, opting for top-shelf spirits in a mixed drink isn’t actually making you look any more sophisticated.

“Requesting an uppermost echelon spirit in any mixed drink is kind of silly,” said Whitman, explaining that mixed drinks are almost always made with bottom shelf spirits. “If I gave you a blind tasting of two filthy martinis, one with Grey Goose, one with the well vodka, I highly doubt you would be able to tell which was which,” she said, adding that the same principle generally applies even to more refined cocktails, like an old fashioned.

When in doubt, if you think it makes you seem fancy, it’s probably making you look stupid. Case in point: the “shaken-not-stirred” martini. Sorry James Bond fans, but “there’s a reason martinis are stirred,” said Whitman. “And it has nothing to do with how manly you are, and everything to do with the type of ingredients involved.”

Other moves to avoid? Ordering a rum and Diet Coke, adding an arbitrary egg white to your drink, or telling your bartender to surprise you with a concoction of their choice.

Of course, even if you commit any of these atrocities, most bartenders will still hand over whatever you order with a smile. But just know that on the inside, they’re judging.

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