The ‘Very Bad’ German Cars Donald Trump Doesn’t Want You to Drive
By Shari Gab / May 26, 2017 9:00 am

Dammmn, Donald! Back at again with the diplomatic mud-slinging!

Mr. 45 has stirred a fairly unnecessary controversy once again, this time by referring to Germany as “very bad.” He’s got his boxers in a bundle over the surplus of German cars he sees lining the streets in the U.S. and, conversely, the lack of Chryslers he sees in Bavaria. Shocker.

“The Germans are bad, very bad. See the millions of cars they sell in the U.S., terrible. We will stop this,” he said, according to the German news mag Der Spiegel.

Should pout come to shove, here are some of the “very bad” models we’ll miss out on in the upcoming months.

2018 Audi SQ5
The SQ5 was Audi’s best-selling make in 2016, accounting for about 25 percent of Audi’s U.S. sales. Naturally, Americans are very fed up with this ride. It’s quick and dynamic, with a 10 percent increase in its EPA mileage rating. How dare they!  

2018 Audi A5 Coupe
Sporty and flirty, with a 252-hp 2.0-liter turbocharged four-cylinder engine. Accurate in driving capability and practical in price, it’s a true double threat. 

2018 Audi S4 Sports Sedan
If there’s one thing we just will not stand for, it’s giving the people what they want. Case in point, the subtle, no-fuss, high-performance S4. Nothing says loser quite like a quiet yet powerful ride with a 3.0-liter V6 engine churning out 354 ponies and 369 lb.-ft. of torque, amirite?

2018 BMW 8 Series
I’m just going to say this once: I’ve been waiting 20 damn years for the return of the 8 series, and come hell or high water, no one is taking this away from me. Even the Leader of the Free World. It’s the pinnacle of sports performance, where razor-sharp looks meet modern luxury.

2018 Mercedes S-Class
The S-Class just has Mercedes’s most advanced safety systems to date. It can respond to changing speed limits, recognize and respond to traffic signs, automatically change lanes and offer advanced driver assist. But who’s really concerned about a little thing like safety on the road?

2018 Mercedes AMG GT C
Throwing the top down on this hot little 550-horsepower model and then pressing the pedal to the floor is probably the worst idea we have ever heard of. Please do not subject us to such elation.

2018 Mercedes G-Class
You’re really going to piss off some urban adventurer-type bros if you rob them of their G-Class fix. You’ve been warned.

2018 Porsche 911 GT3
Porsche is like your friend who can hit a bullseye every time he plays darts. Every. Time. How is that possible? The bar must be lowered in the name of mediocrity.

2018 Volkswagen Tiguan
Off-roading in an accessibly priced and reasonably sized crossover? Travesty!

2018 Volkswagen Atlas
Ranked number one out of nine forthcoming midsize SUVs. We simply can’t have that. With reliable entry-level family car with safety tech, forward-collision alerts and lane-departure warning, this one’s a real menace to society.

Just like the rest of ’em.