New York | July 24, 2014 9:00 am

Toxic Avenger

By The Editors

If you’re like most modern dudes, everything you own beeps at you.

Text message alerts from your cell phone, meeting request chimes from your computer, dings and boops and alarms from everything else.

Get away from that crap, man, at the Digital Detox Retreat, now taking reservations.

Held at an intimate Hudson Valley lodge tucked into the coniferous crags of Shawangunk Ridge, the retreat is the brainchild of a local fitness studio and an SF getaway group called Beyond Tech.

Their goal: devote a weekend to ditching your electronic tethers and getting back to a balanced mindset.

If it sounds a tad new-agey, it is. But that’s a good thing.

On the schedule: Yoga. Meditation. Relaxing hikes. Three squares of locally-sourced organic grub.

Not on the schedule: Phone calls. Email. Stress, in general.

Plus, the Beyond Tech crew will school you on preventing your devices from ruling your life upon your return to the real world.

Cast down your burdens, brother.

Nota bene: Digital Detox’s organizers also offer bespoke fitness/wellness programs in the city that come to you. Check them out for more info.