What $300K-$10M Will Get You in SF — and Out

Real estate can be cruel.

It’s like our own form of currency exchange: 1BR here is a 6BR there (with a pool).

Below, we’ve compiled a list of what your money will get you across the price spectrum — both in SF and elsewhere.

Level: $300K
Brief: There are precisely four (f-o-u-r) listings in the entirety of San Francisco between $300,000 and $350,000. And the best of them is….
The listing: SoMa 1BR, $310,484
Highlights: Frankly, we’re not sure why this is showing for apparently $208,000 under its “Zestimate.” But there’s an open house on Sunday, so … get that!
Or consider: A 2BR in Miami ($350K) with water views, pool access, and lovely, steamy, hot, non-foggy weather

Level: $500K
Brief: Cross your fingers and you might luck out with a one-bedroom.
The listing: “Lower Nob Hill” studio, $549,000
Highlights: So you’re back in a studio, but the good news is that you have exclusive access to a nice-looking rooftop terrace.
Or consider: Austin might be in the middle of a land grab but, fortunately, there’s plenty of land for a-grabbin’ — like the land that comes with this 4BR ($549K) with pool.

Level: $750K
Brief: Congratulations! You are now free to start a family, as long as you limit it to one (1) child!
The listing: Arguello Blvd. 2BR ($799K)
Highlights: It’s in a bit of a neither-here, neither-there neighborhood (where are you when you’re *near* the Inner Richmond?) — but otherwise, this is a period-details-rich 1908 home with a garage and we’re just going to buy it for ourselves if you don’t.
Or consider: This’ll make you feel better: a real estate scene that won’t make us sick with envy. Welcome to Honolulu — where $799K will get you a 1BR apartment with ocean views, an additional bill for the remodel, and some vacation rental income if you want it.

Level: $1.25M
Brief: You have now achieved middle-class status in most every other city in the country.
The listing: 36th Ave. 2BR ($1.285M)
Highlights: Two bedrooms! A three-car garage that frankly feels a little excessive! “East facing/wind protected level backyard ready for your imagination,” which sounds pretty great!
Or consider: Some of the coolest former Mission-dwellers we know (including this guy) have decamped for Stockton. Join them and you can land in a 6BR spread with access to everything (pool, tennis court, chicken coops, massive outdoor entertaining area) and lease-able solar panels.

Level: $10M
Brief: The real estate world is your oyster. So why not opt for this….
The listing: Russian Hill 5BR?
Highlights: As you’d expect, killer views in the key directions (Golden Gate, Bay Bridge). It’s beautiful.
Or consider: At $10M+, you can head wherever you like. But if you’re thinking about waiting out the class revolution — perhaps like Antonio Garcia Martinez, the former Facebook-er who told tech writer Jamie Bartlett that “the 5.56 millimeter round will be the currency of the new America” — there’s always Montana (735 acres for $10M.)