Gear | April 1, 2014 9:00 am

Members Only

By The Editors

In these life-hacking, activity-tracking, data-crunching times, only one statistic is worth following.

How pleasing are you?

And how do you keep it (that) up?

Your answer: Whaktraks from Himeros, a line of data-driven prophylactics, available now for pre-order.

Designed, in part, by a disgruntled MIT dropout “looking for perfect love,” Whaktraks are essentially pedometers for your peen.

These so-called “mactivity trackers” resemble a Fitbit-equipped cock ring with a sheath. Each WT utilizes a series of sensors and a Bluetooth-syncing app (iOS only; Android and other models “coming soon”) to provide real-time updates on your conscious couplings.

Things like heart rate. Hump patterns over time. Load bearings, pre- and post-coital.

And TPM reports (a.k.a. thrusts per minute).

It works for your partner, too. The WT constantly reports on moisture, heat and diameter.

Plus, there are push notifications in the event of breakage.

As well as some crossover apps. To wit: Spotify, which offers song-specific, real-time soundscapes based on your performance. (A sample playlist from an InsideHook editor’s recent forays is available here.)

Happy tracking.

Nota bene: Ask about their “Members Only” discount.