Gear | September 16, 2016 9:00 am

Fifty Bucks Says I Can Destroy This Indestructible Keurig Machine

How many licks of a bat will it take to get to the center?

I hate Keurig coffee.

You know, those single-serving coffee pods. They promise convenience. They promise deliciousness. But truth is they’re expensive. Terrible for the environment. Not the mention the coffee smells like salty bong water and tastes like stale brown water that’s been filtered through an exhaust pipe.

Just ask the inventor of the K-cup himself. Dude basically wishes he never invented it.

Which is why I’m very much into the idea of the Oxx COFFEEBOXX. It’s being pegged as the world’s “toughest coffee machine.” They even stylized the COFFEEBOXX’s name in all caps to prove it. It’s waterproof, spillproof and encased in a crush-proof impact shell that can resist up to 1,500 pounds. Most important factoid: it works with all K-cup packs.

Which is great, because it means I can try to destroy it with a bat, which is something I’ve been waiting to do since I first pressed lips to K-cup. How many swings will it take? I wanna say 50, tops.

The makers say the coffeemaker is built for the harshest environments, like construction worksites or campgrounds. I’ll contend that one hour with me in the Rage Room would make short work of it. And yes, that’s a challenge, Oxx. Send one over.

Just be sure to write my name in all caps on the envelope.