Food & Drink | April 18, 2017 9:00 am

We’ve Reached Peak Coffee, and for Christ’s Sake Why Is It Colorless?

The claim: it won't stain your teeth. But does it taste good?

In today’s Instagram age, you can just as easily find freshly brewed artisan coffee as some sludge in a styrofoam cup. But we’ve come upon the apex of aesthetics and caffeination: clear coffee.

It’s called CLR CFF to be exact. Slovakian brothers David and Adam Nagy developed the self-proclaimed “first colorless coffee drink in the world” while living in England.

David explained the impetus in the London Evening Standard: “We are heavy coffee drinkers. Like many other people we struggled with the teeth stains caused by it. There was nothing on the market that would suit our needs so we decided to create our own recipe.”

Ah, it’s so you can keep the shine on those pearly whites? That’s at least a much more noble cause than making a cup o’ joe a gimmick of a ‘gram. But you know what else can keep your teeth white? Going to the dentist every six months like you’re supposed to! Go ahead and schedule your next visit before you even think about ordering a case.

Admittedly, we have not tried CLR CFF, which at the moment comes exclusively in small 200ml  (6.7oz) bottles and is advised to be served chilled. But the people at Metro did and their responses are not exactly promising:

“Imagine making a caffeine of coffee and then forgetting to wash it out. The next day, you add cold water to get the very last dregs of flavour out of the wet beans — and that’s what this tastes like. Water … but an aftertaste of coffee.”

Be still my overstimulated heart.

Despite mixed reviews about the taste, CLR CFF’s website notes they’ve received “a huge amount of orders.” If you’d like to try it yourself, getting a 5-pack shipped to the U.S. will set you back about $38.50, or upwards of $8 a bottle. Of course, once it gets to these shores — or it catches on and Starbucks gets their venti paws on the Nagy brothers’ secret formula — expect the price to come down a bit.

The real issue here? CLR CFF doesn’t tackle the coffee’s more pressing problem: coffee breath. Hit us up when CFF BRTH KLLR comes out.