The 50 Worst People at Your Gym, Ranked
Nobody wants to know how much you bench, brah
Your resolution to get in shape has hit a snag.
There’s that guy who wants to borrow your towel. That overzealous spin instructor who thinks he’s a life coach.
And Grunty McSweatsalot over there on the shoulder press.
Just three of the lovely folks you’ll find on our list of the 50 worst people at your gym, ranked.
Consider this an exercise in shame.
50. The guy who uses the sauna as his personal hot yoga studio
49. The guy on the only available exercise bike, just sitting there, reading his iPad
48. Anyone shaving in the steam room … or doing anything but steaming
47. The guy who talks about himself in the third person
46. People doing weird drills on the treadmill. We get it, you have a trainer. You also have no shame.
45. The third person who asks to share my lane at the pool — two is enough
44. People who want to talk while you’re changing
43. The supplements reps at the entryway
42. The person that looks at what you have your machine set on … and then adjusts theirs
41. The people running the gym that hosts Pizza Nights and Bagel Mornings … we see what you’re doing, Planet Fitness
40. People who primp at the bathroom mirror for an hour
39. Anyone who asks to borrow your towel
38. The unsolicited motivational speaker (“PUSH IT!”)
37. Aspiring ninja warriors
36. People who don’t shower before leaving
35. The instructor who tries to recruit you to his class by shaming you
34. Spin instructors who think they’re life gurus
33. People who steal the towels. This is why your dues just increased.
32. People who rack weights in the wrong spot
31. Those guys with the aggressively deep tanks. The ones where you can see belly button.
30. People who clearly don’t know how to use the machine they’re using
29. Girls who get dressed and made up for the gym
28. Anyone who waits for your machine/treadmill/bike a little too closely
27. Dudes who take their shirts off in pickup basketball when the group has collectively decided not to play shirts and skins
26. Anyone carrying protein powder
25. Those guys who wander around the locker room naked for literal hours
24. Guys who treat gym toilets like bar toilets
23. People trying this new thing you should try
22. That guy wearing jeans
21. That guy wearing sandals
20. Anyone snapping a towel
19. Personal trainer who spend the entire time pushing you to buy additional training sessions … it’s the timeshare of fitness
18. Guy who flex in the mirror in the weightroom
17. Weight droppers — the barbell kind
16. More-than-one locker guy
15. People who never shut up about Crossfit
14. People who take gym selfies (If there’s no photo of leg day, leg day never happened!)
13. People who pee in the pool. Or shower.
12. People who play music without headphones
11. The guy correcting your form when you didn’t ask him to
10. “How much you bench?”
9. People who have an immediate and rehearsed response for “How much you bench?”
8. People who don’t face the wall in gang showers
7. The passive-aggressive channel changer
6. People who don’t clean their sweat off the equipment when they are done
5. The guy who sends women Craigslist Missed Connections because he saw them on the treadmill
4. People who don’t re-rack weights
3. Overzealous grunters
2. Whoever just farted
1. Your ex
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