Arts & Entertainment | November 23, 2016 9:00 am

Thousands of Dads Are Going to Get Injured Playing Touch Football Tomorrow

Easy there, Heisman

To keep safe this Thanksgiving, tread lightly while discussing politics, make sure your turkey reaches at least 165 degrees and, above all, keep your eye on the ball.

According to an analysis by FiveThirtyEight, about 1,000 Americans visit the ER every Thanksgiving for injuries incurred while playing backyard football.

Figures from the Consumer Product Safety Commission’s National Electronic Injury Surveillance System indicate more than 500 people aged 25 or older (college and high school athletes don’t count) went to the ER last year because of a football-related injury, by far the most of any day.

While you might write this off as a load of turkeywash, it’s apparently a big enough issue that the American College of Emergency Physicians released a statement last week cautioning “weekend warriors” who aren’t used to regular physical activity to consider a different activity.

“Emergency physicians are ready to care for you any time you need it,” said ACEP president Rebecca Parker. “But we hope by following some common sense precautions, you will avoid preventable injuries and illnesses, so you can spend your holiday enjoying time with loved ones.”

Moral of the story: Go long, but not too long. Someone’s gotta carve the turkey.