Arts & Entertainment | August 11, 2014 9:00 am

Shark Madness!

By The Editors

Happy Shark Week!

It’s time to celebrate, for the 27th year in a row, our national obsession with the apex predator of the fathoms.

In preparation, we looked about and realized we’re surrounded by sharks — in the water, sure, but also on TV (Sharknado), at the movies (Finding Nemo) and by actual, real-life humans (Mark Cuban).

And because we’re given to argument, we decided to compare all sharks, literal and figurative, in this bracket:

Sharkology: Who’s the Sharkiest Shark of All Time?

Nobody asked us to do this, nobody probably wants us to do this, so we said let’s do this.

In the field of sixteen, you’ll find:

  • Movie sharks (Jaws, those things in Deep Blue Sea)

  • People sharks (Fast Eddie Felson, Cuban)

  • Even cartoon sharks (a certain wiseacre called Jabberjaw)

Vote today for round one. We’ll reveal the results Wednesday in Go Easy (at the bottom right of the email) and on Facebook and Twitter, and then open voting for round two.


Now. Perhaps you’re wondering: “How does one compare Jabberjaw to, say, Bobby Baccalieri? What’s the criteria here?”

Good question. Luckily for you, there’s clearly no logical answer; the world does not exist where a cartoon fish and a fictional loan shark can meet and settle their differences cage-match-style.

And, there’s one obvious and unavoidable issue here: how can Jaws possibly lose? Jaws, after all, single fin-edly created the national blockbuster. He is the ur-terror, the hydra of the deep. Kill one and several sequels take its place.

We argued about that one for a while.

Now it’s your turn.

Vote now.