Advice | July 25, 2014 9:00 am

Status Update

By The Editors

As he ages, every American man faces a challenge.

As he builds a career, as he invests in liquid alternatives and, like, banana futures, as he competes to earn the attention of women and envy of friends, he simply has to find more refined ways to say “Neener, neener, neener.”

These are those ways: Look at All My Sh*t! American Status Symbols, Ranked.

Have you ever sat courtside next to Jack?

Is there, somewhere, a building with your name engraved in stone?

Have you ever owned hounds?

Have you released them?

Each of those symbols is in the rankings, and more.

But don’t get us wrong. We’re not advocating pure, unadulterated, Monty-Burns-esque greed. Well, maybe a little bit.

But as far as your humble correspondents go, we’re just happy when the barista spells our name right.

Enjoy the guide.

Ed. note: Ok, playtime’s over. If you’re actually serious about success, take our first ever success survey. You have a chance to win a $100 AmEx gift card. Have a successful day.