How to Blow Your Bonus

Get a bonus? Here are 20 ways to spend it all in one place.

For some of you, 2016 was a very good year (and apparently getting better).

To the victors go the spoils, right?

As for where to spend those spoils: How to Blow Your Bonus, InsideHook’s annual guide to wallet-busting objects, experiences and adventures that deserve your attention (and six-figure handout).

Play golf with Bill Murray (it’s for charity!). Get an eight-handed massage! Travel the world with 50 friends in a private 767!

Or outfit your own luxe survival bunker.

Because those non-bonus employees may want to have a word with you.

SVALBARDI POLAR ICEBERG WATER

A Norwegian-American Wall Street Banker and his crew chartered a boat up to the icebergs in Kongsfjorden, chipped off about 15 tons of berg, melted it, filtered it and then UV blasted it to maintain the natural taste. End product: 13,000 bottles of pure, unadulterated climate change.

SELETTI WEARS TOILETPAPER RUG: TWO OF SPADES

Maurizio Cattelan and Pierpaolo Ferrari of Toiletpaper magazine partnered with Seletti to create 12 different area rugs. At 6.4’ in diameter, the Two of Spades is less of a statement piece, more of an assault on the eyes.

EIGHT-HANDED MASSAGE

The Four Seasons Resort Mauritius at Anahita, located on an island off the coast of Africa in the Indian Ocean, now offers a four-person, eight-handed “Let It Go” massage. There’s a 60-minute option for $730, but if you’re already invested, you’d be a fool not to do the full 90.

SOMMI WINE CELLAR

These freestanding wine armoires provide consistent temperature and humidity control care of a top-notch cooling system. They also hold 72 bottles. If your bonus allows for more, or your wine collection demands it, they also offer custom 100-year-old barn wood wine bars.

THE MACALLAN FINE & RARE 1991 VINTAGE

The Macallan just released a limited number of bottles from their Fine & Rare collection of single malt whiskies. This spirit was put in a cask (American oak Vasyma puncheon sherry seasoned in Jerez, Spain) in 1991. It was bottled at a natural cask strength of 49.4% abv and it's now ready for your glass.

SAM ELECTRIC CAR

What has three wheels, two bug eyes and one fresh green card burning a hole in his pocket? Oh that’s SAM, the Swiss electric car with gullwing doors, fully recyclable polyethylene body and a battery pack that can charge from a wall outlet in five hours and last for up to 62 miles.

KURT COBAIN’S GUITAR

Even the late king of grunge celebrated Christmas, and one year he bought himself this Hagstrom Blue Sparkle Deluxe Model 90 guitar. It was converted to left-hand orientation for him, has been authenticated and is up for auction until February 26th.

MINIMOD

These prefab homes from Brazilian architecture firm MAPA are totally modularized — the chic older cousins of corrugated shipping container homes, if you will. Choose at least three modules, add on at will, then ship to your remote homestead.

PYTHON WRAPPED BICYCLE

This Detroit-made two-wheeler from Williamson Goods & Supply is detailed with hand-wrapped and -sewn 100% genuine python. Only 10 of each color will be manufactured, but we think copper goes best with the snakeskin, don’t you?

WOOLWICH SLIDE-IN AND FLATBED CAMPERS

These Four Wheel Campers collabs have plenty of room for a bed decked out in Woolrich’s famous red checked flannel and wool. They also have space for a dining area, shower, toilet and kitchenette, which make them solid for weeklong surf safaris or fishing trips.

PLAY GOLF WITH BILL MURRAY

Via Charitybuzz, play a round of golf with the Caddyshack legend in Charleston ... for a good cause. Bonus: lunch included.

MICHELIN STAR-SPANGLED ROADTRIP

Travel gurus Orbitz put together a map of the Michelin star restaurants in the U.S. Turns out there are 159 of ‘em, so figure three meals a day, $200 per stop, plus hotel stays, gas money, etc. ... Whatever. Could be the greatest gastronomical journey of all time.

ATLAS SURVIVAL SHELTERS

In case of national disaster, Peter Thiel’s moving to New Zealand. You? Your journey down under is here, down underground, in these bespoke doomsday bunkers. Complete with oak interiors, 46' TVs and his-and-her decontamination chambers!

DUCATI 1299 SUPERLEGGERA

Carbon fiber frame, swinging arm, subframe and wheels. Produces 215 hp at 11,000 rpm (the most powerful twin-cylinder ever produced, according to Ducati). And they’ve only made 500 of them.

1954 JAGUAR XK140 ROADSTER

Some of us prefer our thrills on four wheels. This silver stunner, fully restored over the past few years, features a contrasting maroon leather interior. To see this classic sports car in person, you’ll have to hit the south of France (oh, the horror).

APRES IN THE AIR

“I’m moving to Canada,” you say. First, get a rarefied taste of our northern neighbor. Air Canada and Fairmont Hotels teamed up for this super-luxe getaway package, where you’ll have access to a private charter jet (transformed into a roving ski chalet), five-star accommodations across Canada and VIP access to your favorite winter activities, from skiing to dog sledding.

ASTON MARTIN AM37

The luxury automaker teamed up with Quintessence Yachts for this 37-foot powerboat, which features a timeless wood-over-blue color scheme and comes equipped with enough horsepower to push 60 knots. That makes it one of the most powerful luxury yachts to hit the water.

FENDI CHATEAU RESIDENCES 

Euro fashion gurus Fendi just got into the real estate game. And figuring you’ll want to retire in Florida in style, these 3,400-7,000 sq. foot residences features its own spa, 24/7 concierge service, rooftop sundecks and swimming pools ... and endless walls of glass, to better enjoy the coastline and your private beach access.

HATCHET CAYE RESORT

Had a particularly good year? Splurge on your own private island/resort in Belize, ogling distance from Leo DiCaprio’s private island. Located on seven acres of greenery and sand (only half of which has been developed), the 12-room resort features a traditional Belizean restaurant and more than a mile of private shoreline with ample locations for snorkeling, diving and other aquatic activities.

DREAMMAKER’S PASSPORT TO 50

Here are some numbers: You and 49 of your friends, a private 767, a 1-to-1 ratio of passengers to staff, 20 cities around the globe, 50 18-karat gold swizzle sticks and an endless curated itinerary that goes from pearl diving in the South Sea to horse racing in Siena.

Editor's note: And should you want to selflessly pay your bonus forward to a cause that may or may not have its federal funding drastically slashed in the coming months, consider donating to the following: Climate change Environmental Defense Fund, Sierra Club Foundation, Natural Resources, Defense Council, Earthjustice, Greenpeace LGBTQ+ Human Rights Campaign, The Trevor Project Education NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund Civil Rights NAACP, ACLU, Anti-Defamation League, Southern Poverty Law Center Healthcare Planned Parenthood, Center for Reproductive Rights, Guttmacher Institute Immigration USA for the UN Refugee Agency, Make the Road New York, National Immigration Law Center

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